Cultivate Unstoppable Confidence in 90 Days

Confidence matters.  

Deep, real, authentic happiness in life requires confidence. Without it, happiness rests on the surface. It is fleeting and fragile, often dependent upon the experience that is right in front of you.  

When you choose to become authentically confident, everyone around you benefits. People miss the real you if you are not able to shine and to be on fire about your purpose in the world. Your confidence and happiness are gifts to everyone around you.  

If you struggle in the area of confidence, you are not alone. Many women lack confidence—and it can make them feel like they’re failing no matter how much they’ve accomplished in life.  

Confidence is your belief in yourself. It is your belief that you can figure things out, that you can overcome the things that are put in your path, and that you are as capable and deserving as the woman next to you.  

I’ve seen women turn their lives around, on fire to wake up every morning, because they did the work to become a confident woman.    

We’ll get started by looking at four things that can get in the way of your confidence.  

1. You are overwhelmed. It’s easy to take too much on. We get drawn into robust calendars and lots of activity, often competing with the women around us for perfection. When overwhelm kicks in, everything can start to feel like a mess. When things feel like a mess, it is easy to feel incapable—and that leads to a loss of confidence.  
2. You have given others permission to hurt you. Others’ words often have a negative impact on a woman’s confidence. Words and actions hurt women, and the effects can last a long time. Whose words have led you to feel you are not worthy?  
3. You compare yourself to others. A portion of low confidence may be rooted in comparison. In a world where carefully curated social media posts and magazine covers stare at us every day, we can get lost in our heads wondering how these other more-put-together women have figured out how to be (or at least appear to be) so confident and happy.  
4. You are stuck in a whirlwind of disappointment. Disappointment paralyzes many women. We find ourselves obsessing over all of the things that have not gone the way we envisioned. It might be our careers, marriages, or relationships with our kids. It might also be the absence of children, or a lack of friendship or romance. The negative effect of disappointment is compounded when we’re also caught in the habit of comparison. These two confidence busters work to amplify one another. When you allow this type of thinking (comparison and disappointment) to creep into your mind, you risk talking yourself into a false belief that your life is a disaster while everyone else has it all figured out.  

Any one of these things can leave you feeling like you’re not enough. More than one? That can be a lot to manage every day.  I encourage you to get to work. Life is too short to fall victim to these common confidence busters.  

Put a stake in the ground, declaring to yourself, “90 days from now, I will be a more confident version of myself, because I am going to get to work, starting today.”  

Let’s talk about three things you can do to cultivate confidence over the next 90 days.    

1. View confidence as a journey. Rather than ruminating on your current lack of confidence, focus on what you can do to grow in confidence. View it as a skill to be developed over time, and get this journey started.    
2.  Take small steps. Completing big projects, chasing dreams, and even upleveling your day-to-day life can feel overwhelming. It is easy to fall into a trap of thinking, “I could never do that.” Instead of letting yourself be intimidated by the big picture, find one small step you can take today. For example, if you dream of leaving your job and starting a business, the first step could be to buy a journal to use while you brainstorm your potential business ideas and document what you’re learning along the way. The second step could be to create a list of all of the business ideas you have. The third step could be researching information on the internet about how to start a business. Progress cultivates confidence. With every step you take on this journey to master almost anything, your confidence will become stronger. 
3.  Get yourself unstuck. If the small steps seem insurmountable because you’re stuck dwelling on your fears, along with a long list of disappointments, do something.  

 Don’t try to tackle a list. Just.Do.One.Thing. Whatever is swirling in your head, move it from thoughts to paper. Then pick the one thing from that paper that you’ll use as a starting point for action. From thoughts, to words, to action.  

 If you’re afraid, do it afraid.  

•  If you’re afraid you’re not likable, call one friend you feel comfortable with and invite her to have a cup of coffee or a glass of wine with you.  
• If you’re afraid you could never find a more fulfilling job, jump on a job site and see what is out there.  
• If you’re afraid your adult children are moving on without you as a priority in their lives, pick up the phone and call them.  
• Do something. Own what you want and go after it.  

 If you are busy advancing your life in a positive way, you will find yourself focused less on the confidence busters. Your overwhelmedness will become exhilarating, not exhausting. You will think less about the words of others and more about your own exciting plan and robust to-do list. Comparison to others and disappointment about your current state are replaced by your pride in progress.  

 You are responsible for your confidence. Get after it!