Someone told me this once: “You are not for everyone.” At first glance, I was a bit insulted. In the end, I realized being told I was not for everyone was actually a gift…a big one! It is permission to be totally and authentically, unapologetically YOU! It is liberating… Not only am I not for everyone… neither are you. Do you know what is great about that? You don’t have to be. In fact it is unfair to even try, and a total waste of your precious gifts and talents.
In the face of this discovery comes another truth. Not only are we not for everyone, but the haters also sit in the front row. They are quick to judge and scrutinize and throw things at you when you shine brighter. Recently I had an experience where someone was scheduled for a call with me through a company I contract coaching services with. This individual apparently vetted me outside of my affiliation with this company on his own. He ‘Googled’ me. He determined that based on what he saw he didn’t need what I had to offer. He noted that he ‘had his life together already’. I wasn’t serving him in the capacity of my private practice so what I coach around here was of little import. He protested several more times. I found that it affected me more than I liked. A few polite email exchanges later while I tried to assure him I am extremely skilled and even sought after in the business strategy arena, he attacked me personally and made a lot of assumptions about my life around things he could not even begin to know anything about. That day it really got under my skin. Why was he judging me so harshly when he had not only never met me, didn’t know me personally, but also never had a real live conversation with me?? More importantly, knowing all of those things, why was I so insulted by it!? It occurred to me that I had been pushing myself out of my own comfort zone and showing up bigger, which means more visibility….and with more visibility and a bigger voice…comes some haters.
“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, but there will always be someone who hates peaches.” ~ Dita von Teese
The lesson here is, while the haters are always going to sit in the front row, they are there to force you to show up even bigger and stand even taller so you can see all of the amazing people in the rows behind them waiting for you to be in your truth and bring forth your message and serve on this planet with all of your unique glory. They are there to make you uncomfortable so that you move and you grow and you play big enough you see past them. That is the difference between the successful and the less so…pushing past the haters and the fear and the conformity. Most of the people in the venue are behind the front row.
The haters are also there to remind you that you are not for everyone and to stay the course of YOUR true north..no one else’s will do. No one can be the you that you were put on this earth to be. As Rebecca Campbell in her book, Light Is The New Black so aptly says:
“The world is filled with people who, no matter what you do will point blank not like you. But it is also filled with those who will love you fiercely. They are your people. You are not for everyone and that’s OK. Talk to the people who can hear you.
Don’t waste your precious time and gifts trying to convince them of your value, they won’t ever want what you’re selling. Don’t convince them to walk along side you. You’ll be wasting both your time and theirs and will likely inflict unnecessary wounds, which will take previous time to heal. You are not for them and they are not for you; politely wave them on, and continue song your way. Sharing your path with someone is a sacred gift; don’t cheapen this gift by rolling yours in the wrong direction
Keep facing your true north.”
Find and talk to your ‘Ride or die’ people. Surround yourself with a tribe who lift you up and see you bigger than even you can sometimes see yourself; people who want to be the bigger version of themselves too. These are the ones who can hear you. These are the people you spend your time and energy on….if for no other reason than it completes the circle of abundance. You get to give and receive….being all the more ‘you’ at every turn. If you are shining too bright for someone’s liking do not turn down the brightness of your shine simply to suit them. That is why they make sunglasses. Stay calm and shine on! Torch EVERYONE with your light!!
