Early in our marriage, Dave and I would often spend our evenings sitting together on our blue plaid couch. This was our meeting place for our nightly “complaint-fests.”
The Pattern
After a hastily prepared meal consisting of uninspiring processed foods, we would flop down in exhaustion anxious to lose ourselves in a mind-numbing stupor brought on by watching too many sit-coms in a row. (This was before the days of Facebook, Candy Crush and reality TV or those might have been our anesthetic of choice.)
After some quality time numbing out we would finally find the energy to talk about our day. This consisted of focusing on everything that we felt was wrong with our lives. Although we were relatively new in our careers, we already felt trapped by our financial commitments and our decent salaries. We were at a loss for how we could get ourselves out of this situation. We felt totally helpless.
After all, we had followed all the rules we had been given to be happy in life. We had followed the advice of teachers, guidance counselors, parents and supervisors. We had studied hard, earned good grades, completed the “right” degree, found “great” jobs, bought a nice house and were partners in a loving marriage. So why weren’t we happier?
We sometimes fantasized about how great it would be escape to a new life – to quit our jobs, move to the beach and sell hot dogs from a cart. We imagined that would resolve all of the stress in our life.
Night after night went by and we continued to play by the same set of rules:
- Go into jobs we didn’t like.
- Get upset with an unrealistic and unfulfilling work load and with being treated more like disposable cogs in a wheel than human beings.
- Come home and complain about our crappy day.
- Go to bed frustrated and dreading the next day.
- Repeat this cycle every weekday, then…
- Decompress from the week Friday night.
- Enjoy Saturday.
- Wake up Sunday feeling anxious because the next work week was about to start.
The Turning Point
One evening, while we were engaged in our typical “complaint-fest” Dave turned to me and said, “I don’t want to be sitting on this exact same couch having this exact same conversation when we’re 40!”
That conversation was a defining moment in our lives and the beginning of our personal development journey.
We realized that if we wanted different and better results in our lives, we needed to do different things. We realized that if we wanted to enjoy every day of the week rather than one out of seven, we needed to change the rules we were living by. We realized that we needed to create our own rules, rather than play by the rules that everyone else told us we should follow.
Now, take a look at your own life.
Are you frustrated or disappointed with one or several major aspects of your life? Do you spend lots of time dwelling on and complaining about what is wrong? Do you feel trapped by the rules that are dictating your life?
If so, it’s time for you to define your own rules, and begin doing some things differently to get the results you are looking for.
Here are three quick ways to get started:
1. Have Written Goals
Written goals send an important message to your subconscious and problem-solving mind. They represent a commitment to yourself and let your brain know that you are serious about making something happen.
When you write your goals be specific, write them as a positive statement, and write them as if they are already true.
2. Take Action
Once you have established a set of written goals for yourself, take action to make progress toward them. Many people have no problem taking a few initial steps; however, it is often their ability to stay in action that holds them back. Consistent action is almost always more impactful than a single large action.
3. Celebrate Success
As you begin to steadily achieve portions of your goals, celebrate these wins. Doing so keeps you focused on all that is new and good in your life and triggers a virtuous circle of successes that build upon one another and generate even more success.
Dave and I no longer sit on that blue plaid couch (we bought a new one) and we no longer have our nightly “complaint-fests.” We instead spend time visualizing how we want our life to grow and change; writing down the goals that will move us toward that vision; taking small, continuous actions that move us toward those goals; and celebrating successes along the way.
Your Assignment
Take time today to write down a few goals. Then make time in your schedule to take action that will move you in the direction of your goals. As you complete action steps and achieve success, celebrate! You will be amazed at how good you feel and how much progress you can make with steady, consistent action!
Believing everyone deserves a life they love, Stacy Rowan founded Custom Built Life™. A personal coach and speaker, Stacy empowers overwhelmed, unhappy women to stop following the rules that aren’t working for them and to design their Life Balance Blueprint™ along with a new set of rules that will support them as they reclaim the joy of a customized life. Learn more at www.CustomBuiltLife.com and download a free eBook to get you started!
