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The Upside of Listening to Your Inner Critic

The Upside of Listening to Your Inner Critic by Stacey Curnow | #AspireMag

You’re doing it again.You meditate. You read personal development blogs at breakfast.

You listen to Law of Attraction audio books in your car. You just know better. But you’re still letting your inner critic bully you.

You’ve done a ton of mindset work and still you hear those negative judgments—“Who are you to want so much?” and “Who do you think you are?” and “You’ll probably just fail anyway.”—tick incessantly in your brain like an evil metronome.

You’re sick of your inner critic! You just want to kick it to the curb, once and for all. Things would be so much better without it.

Not So Fast…

I don’t think the inner critic is really the problem. It certainly can cause problems, especially since it often shows up as an uninvited guest, and at the worst possible moments.

But what if, in that wretched moment it shows up, you were just to say to that voice, “Not now”? And what if later, when you’re feeling more calm and centered, you were to dialogue with it and truly get at what it has to tell–and teach–you?

Here’s the thing: the “negative” self talk is a temporary challenge, and like all challenges you can address it in a way so that you come out of it stronger and smarter. You may think it’s “just fear” telling you you’ll end up living in a van by the river if you quit your job and quickly dismiss it.

But if you were to face the fear, and figure out how to set things up so you don’t feel immobilized by it anymore—for example, by developing a strategy to quit your job—well, that would be a good thing, right?

Don’t Daydream. Do.

You see, without making a plan and taking action, even the most attainable goal is still just a daydream. And yet when questions crop up about how we’re going to achieve our dreams, a lot of us find it easier to write those questions off as so much “negative self-talk” so we can avoid all that hard work and go back to daydreaming.But ignoring that self-talk is only a temporary fix.

Your inner critic, in fact, will speak louder and more often the more you ignore it. So what if, instead of criticism, you looked on what your critic had to say as a challenge? Do that, and you’ll discover that there are very few inner criticisms that can’t be put to rest through action.

That’s right: action. I had a great coach who has a signature program called On Purpose Results. During our one-on-one calls I would often comment (because I would never complain) that I wasn’t seeing the results I wanted in my business.

He always responded by saying, “Focus on your actions, not your results.” I joked with him that his should name his program On Purpose Actions since he always stressed the importance of taking purposeful action.

He laughed and said he wouldn’t attract many clients if he renamed it. He said people would think, “Action? You want me to take action? Forget that: I just want the results!” (Note the primo marketing tip in this paragraph: Sell people what they want, but give them what they need.)

Your Portable (and Free!) Personal Coach

I paid that coach a decent amount for his help. Imagine having a coach very much like him—someone whom you didn’t have to pay, who was always available to give advice, someone who consistently encouraged you to take purposeful action so that you could be more successful. Wouldn’t that be cool?

Well, you do have that coach. Call it your inner critic or call it your Ego—it’s ready to give you the exact steps you need to be successful, provided you’re willing to do the work.

The catch is you have to be ready to understand the Ego’s language. When you’re thinking of quitting your job to devote more time to your entrepreneurial venture, you’ll hear it say, “You can’t. You’ll go bankrupt.”

But you have to hear, “You’ll need at least 6-8 months of living expenses socked away in savings.” Then you can translate it into action: Keep your work-a-day job and build your business on the side while you pad your bank account.

And there you have it: scathing criticism is how your Ego sells you the work you need to do. The Ego’s probably the worst salesman on the planet, but it’s not like it’s going to be out of a job anytime soon.

You know the greatest thing about the advice your Ego gives you? If you’re prepared to translate its doubts about your dreams into requests for action, you’ll find that the only real hurdle you have to overcome—the hard work (mental and physical) you have to put in to succeed—won’t seem like hard work.

Sure, it will take effort, but your effort will feel right and necessary. After all, when your actions are aligned with your dreams, they don’t seem like work at all.

Time to Give Your Ego Coach a Call

In a weekly planning tool I give my clients I always ask them to list their greatest challenge. Then I ask them to imagine what their friend would suggest that they do about it.

It’s my way of accessing their Ego (but shh—don’t tell them that). This “friend” always gives them the best advice. Everyone has this incredible resource within them, so I’m suggesting you stop resisting it, and use it.

Our society values logic over intuition so it’s no wonder that we’ve learned to diminish the Ego’s role and importance, but I’m asking you to develop your relationship with it.

The idea is that if and when it suggests an opportunity to take action and learn and grow, take it.

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About the author 

Stacey Curnow

Stacey Curnow is a sought-after purpose and success coach who recently left behind a 20-year career in nurse-midwifery – helping women give birth to babies – to help women give birth to their BIG dreams.

Stacey is the founder of Midwife for Your Life – a website, blog and series of signature coaching programs – and serves clients all over the world. She is also the Life Purpose Expert for Aspire Magazine.

She published a best-selling children’s book, Ravenna, is a contributing author of Inspiration for a Woman’s Soul: Choosing Happiness (coming in February of 2015), and is currently writing Pain Body Proof: How to Transform Your Negative Thoughts, Improve All Your Relationships and Enjoy More Happiness

You can sample her work by reading The Purpose and Passion Guidebook: 6 Steps to Doing Good, Feeling Good and Achieving Your Dreams. It will inspire you to tap into your deepest desires, claim your true value and identify your soul’s work in order to live your best life.

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  • Peggy Nolan says:

    Hi Stacey! I love this. You and I are on the same page when it comes to the dreadful but sometimes helpful Inner Critic. I came to the conclusion a number of years ago that my Inner Critic (who is about 6 years old and can be rather pouty) simply wants to be heard. She (and she is a she) does not like being ignored or brushed aside or meditated away. These days I acknowledge her, listen to her caution, and then let her know that it will be okay if I give it a try. After all, it’s just a rough draft or something new and fun, or an experiment. She’s not so much of a critic these days….more like an early warning detection system 😉

    • Hi Peggy! I love how you’re looking at your Inner Critic as an early warning detection system. I also think of it as an alarm that goes off when I’m telling a story that isn’t true. No, it doesn’t feel good when my Inner Critic tells me that I need to work harder, but it’s not the end of the world. I can do hard work. As soon as I make that simple mindset shift all is well again. 🙂

  • Tiffany Russo Kane says:

    Love this Stacey! I agree, the inner critic has an important role in helping us move forward, as long as we don’t allow it to be a bully. I gave mine a name and sometimes have to tell her to wait just as you suggested. But I have to admit sometimes I forget and let her run the show and that is no fun at all. Thanks for this article.

    • Thanks so much, Tiffany! Yes, just as I was sharing with Peggy, I hope that seeing the Inner Critic as an early warning system will help you transition to a better-feeling, more-fun story in no time! xxoo

  • Nice tool! Translating and transforming definitely sounds more do-able than constantly pushing the IC away or letting “her” rule your life!

  • Chara Armon says:

    Stacy, I really like your concept of using the Inner Critic’s voice as a *challenge* to act in the highest and best ways we can.

  • Great post, Stacey. I recognise that any negative thoughts and emotions are there as a test and then know i need to figure out why they are there so that i can address the limiting belief or the judgement. Awareness is so key to creating the life we want to live!

    • midwifeforyourlife says:

      Yes, you’re absolutely right, Shelley! I think awareness is THE key. Resistance seems to melt around it! xo

  • I am a big fan of listening to the inner critic to see through it instead of ignoring it. It often has a powerful message if you can sort through the fear.

    • midwifeforyourlife says:

      EXACTLY, Joy! And as Tiffany Russo Kane beautifully said, we want to change “Feel the Fear and do it anyway.” to “Find the Love then do it with ease and grace.” LOVE it!

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