Earlier this year, First Lady Michelle Obama, 49, got a lot of press when she got a new hairstyle and debuted bangs. “This is my mid-life crisis, the bangs. I couldn’t get a sports car. They won’t let me bungee jump. So instead, I cut my bangs,” she was quoted as saying.
Some other signs of a midlife crisis can include:
+ Feeling like disguising your age
+ Feeling a sense of failure, either professionally or personally
+ Having professional success but feeling discomfort with the status quo; {is this all there is?} Cue the buying of a car, purse, or expensive retreat, etc.
+ Looking up old friends/boyfriends on Facebook
+ Socializing with younger people & trying to keep up with their music, trends, etc.
+ Wanting to try new things you never got a chance to while establishing your career or raising a family, i.e. painting, traveling etc.
+ Noticing gray hairs or worrying over nagging injuries that you never had before
+ Feeling uninspired, like the best days have passed you by and you are just passing time.
A midlife crisis is defined as a period of emotional upheaval brought on between the ages of 40-60 when a person faces mortality, dashed hopes, fears of aging and a desire for change. It can last between 2-5 years in women.
My own midlife crisis started around 40 but in many ways, it was the beginning of a transformation that I am still going through today. For me, at age 40 I chose to get sober and end a painful relationship with a younger man.
Here are 10 suggestions to help make your crisis a catharsis and encourage you to take some small steps toward your new evolution.
1. If needed, seek therapy.
I should point out that for some, midlife crisis is not something to be taken lightly or that can be fixed with a new haircut. Sometimes, anxiety and depression can develop as a result of some of these symptoms being overwhelming. If you find yourself drinking too much, staying in bed wanting to pull the covers over your head and just wanting to numb out from the pain, it is important to get help for yourself.
2. Focus on health.
When I was younger I didn’t give a care in the world as to what I was putting into my body or even some punishing diet & exercise routines. In midlife, we are given the gift of greater self-acceptance. We can focus on eating nourishing foods and finding gentle and/or fun exercise or even just getting fresh air and enjoying nature.
3. Change your self-talk.
When a midlife crisis hits, we can start to say a lot of harsh, critical things to ourselves. You may be saying things to yourself like:
– Well, it’s all downhill from here.
– You’ll never be successful.
We have to tell ourselves the exact opposite of these things in order to move forward. Take a statement you believe to be true about yourself at midlife and write it down. Now, rewrite it in a way that is affirming and repeat it whenever you start beating yourself up.
4. Practice self-compassion.
We’ve all made mistakes and have situations in life that we wished we handled differently. It’s hard to look back and see with the wisdom we have now some of the foolish or not-so-well-thought-out decisions we made. But try to have some compassion for yourself. You did the best you could with the information you had. Be grateful that you accumulated wisdom from your experiences, no matter how painful, and give yourself a break. You have survived a lot of tough things.
5. Try something new.
George Bush has taken up painting since he retired from office. I decided to use my experience to become a coach and help other women transform their lives. Start small. You don’t have to jump into something. Go to Amazon and buy one book on learning something new. Take an online tutorial from skillshare or find a Meetup. You might encounter a lot of resistance from your ego telling you that this is stupid, it’s too late, you won’t be good at that. Do it afraid. Take a chance.
6. Give social media a break.
Looking at days gone by and people, places and things we used to know can be nostalgic but spending too much time in the past can be excuse not to get going on the present. Take that time and learn a new interest or skill. (See #5). Social media is about image, not necessarily reality. Don’t compare.
7. What are you looking at?
This is slightly related to #6. Buying magazines with young models on the cover isn’t always going to make you feel spectacular about yourself. The November 2013 issue of Health magazine featured the gorgeous actress Julianne Moore, 52, on the cover. In her interview she shared that she has to switch up what exercise she does because “that’s the thing about old age-eventually your hip starts to hurt and you have to switch and do something else.” I don’t know about you but her honesty helps me to know I’m not alone in facing some of these issues and that is comforting.
8. Find gratitude.
Life is never, ever perfect. But it could be that the things we are longing for we already possess and are possibly overlooking them. There may be someone who would love to have a husband like yours. If you recently made a new friend, don’t take it lightly. Know that a friend is a blessing and that they were placed into your life as a gift.
9. Make a change.
Sometimes it is about getting the bangs. Seriously, if you want to try a new hairstyle or color- go for it! Don’t let the opinions of others stop you. Giving yourself some pampering while wanting to look good is a sign that you are growing and changing. It can be a declaration that you are moving forward, moving on and up to something. Pamela Anderson, 46, recently chopped off her long blonde locks into a pixie cut and ran a marathon for charity. She said, “My hair had a life and I wanted to put that behind me.” Taking action can be a catalyst to taking further action and feeling good about how you look can make a big difference. You can be whoever you want to be and look however you want to look, despite the expectations and preferences of others.
10. Not giving a damn.
There is a quote that says, “I used to walk into a room wondering if anyone would like me. Now I walk into a room and wonder if I like anyone.” Part of the beauty of aging is no longer having such loud chatter in our heads about being the best dressed or having perfect makeup. Today, I am freer to focus on fun and experiences rather than putting up a self-conscious performance hoping for approval. You can meet a lot of people you might have overlooked by being present in this way and life can feel much less superficial and more authentic.
Great piece! I am currently struggling with a very serious mid-life crisis right now. I think the act of learning something new sounds good right now.