Fear can stop you if you let it.
Are you familiar with any of these fears?
- Fear of being seen
- Fear of revealing too much
- Fear of people criticizing you
I am, especially if I need to do anything that requires me to expose myself. I worry that people will respond with snarky comments. Why? Because it has happened.
In 6th grade I used to create stories with the spelling words of the week. I shared my stories with my classmates, and when I read the funny parts, I expected laughter. Instead I saw blank looks from my peers and my teachers. Eventually I decided to stop sharing my stories and just handed in my assignments.
During my last corporate job I was expected to attend many meetings. In some cases I had to share updates. My comments were met with eye rolls, criticism, or – if I was lucky – silence.
But I haven’t forgotten about the many times I had a captive audience. I received compliments after presenting to my class in graduate school and speaking at major work meetings at another corporate job. At a recent Toastmasters meeting I received positive feedback after giving my first speech. And I’m not at all afraid to dance at the front of the Nia class.
So why do I choose to focus on those times when I experienced embarrassment, disappointment, and judgment? That’s a topic for another post, but it basically boils down to this – I already believed I was not funny or I didn’t have anything worthwhile to say. I believed people were harshly judging me. So when I experienced negative reactions, I immediately assumed the worst – and my inner mean girl went into full-on “See, I told you you’re a loser!” mode.
Taking the plunge anyway
You don’t have to give a presentation to feel vulnerable. You may be triggered when you post a status online, or when you go to a Zumba class for the first time. Even the thought of sharing in a small group can be terrifying for some people.
If you’re struggling with being visible, online or anywhere, here’s what I suggest:
Be aware of the story you’re telling yourself. While it may or may not be true that people are judging you (because, face it, people do), it doesn’t have to mean anything about you. You do have important things to say and you have valuable gifts to share with the world. You don’t have to let their opinions stop you. Their thoughts are usually about them and their world view anyway.
Believe that the outcome will be better than what your inner mean girls (or guys) tell you. Not everyone will support you, and any naysayers are probably too chicken to step out of their comfort zones (my apologies to actual chickens, I mean no harm). Know that you have support, and as you act with courage, you’ll learn how to support yourself.
As for your inner mean girls, remember that they want to keep you safe. That’s their job. They remember when you were told not to share too much information or to always look good. If you’re taking big and perhaps unusual action, you’ll have a natural urge to contract. I invite you to resist the urge to give in to your inner mean girl chatter and crawl under your desk. Instead, gently acknowledge her desire to keep you safe, then take action. No matter what happens, you’ll be glad that you did!
And no matter what happens, celebrate your success! You got out of your own way and chose to be courageous instead.
Do you struggle with visibility?
How about you? Does fear of criticism hold you back from doing the things you want to do? Are you afraid you’ll fall flat on your face in front of everyone? Share your comments below!
