Throughout life, we grieve any loss of human love through separation, change, or death. Even when we choose a parting that we know is for the best, we still grieve, and each loss we experience can compound painfully in our hearts. Because grief is uncomfortable, many people want to avoid it, and many doctors prescribe anti-depressants to those in the normal grieving process to lessen the symptoms of loss.
It may not seem like it, but grief is actually a powerful portal to awareness, an opportunity to know ourselves anew when an old version of self is phasing out. It is our system’s natural, emotional, healing process. It has inherent value because when experienced fully, normal grief breaks our hearts open wider, enabling us to love more than we were capable of previously.
Though everyone feels grief on a more regular basis than they might admit, we are rarely taught how to grieve, unfortunately. By understanding the similarities in all forms of grief, we can better contextualize our feelings and understand how to be with them when loss arrives. Each person’s grieving process is unique, but the experience is universally human.
Cleaning the Wound
When we lose someone we love, nothing is as it was before, and no one likes change when it is forced upon them. A wounded heart is as raw and vulnerable as a wounded body. And just as the body takes time to repair itself, the heart also takes time to heal.
The first response to any loss is often shock coupled with numbness or lack of feeling. As a little time passes, the common physical sensations of grief begin; heaviness in the heart center, a disorganized mind, and a general lack of energy. It is normal to be irritable, irrational, unfocused, depressed, tired, anxious, withdrawn, lonely, sad, scared, and emotionally volatile. The grieving process is a series of ups and downs with no definitive timeline and no rationale. We might feel angry at being suddenly alone and forced into a change of life structure, or outraged at the injustice of a disease, accident, or betrayal. We may also fear our own impending mortality or further loss of others close to us.
We need to be gentle with ourselves when grieving, accepting all our feelings. This is how we clean the wounded heart. Just as we would flush out a physical wound so it does not get infected, we need to get out all the emotional reactions to our loss by talking about our loved ones, writing them letters, or creating tributes of love to them. Plenty of rest is needed as well as fresh air, exercise, healthy food, and moral support.
Daily meditation is especially healing, as it offers time and space to witness all that arises. We can be with the intensity of each moment of grief, offering gentle presence to ourselves as the heart heals. Through stillness, we can return to the pure love within where we are always connected.
Transmuting Grief to Love
At the same time that we are feeling our natural human feelings, we can recognize that they only exist because we are grieving for ourselves, our loss, what we miss, our attachment, rather than for the one who has died or gone away. It is attachment rather than love that fuels our grief. We grieve the loss of continuity of relationship with our loved ones. But love itself can never be lost.
If a beloved person in our life has died, we can recognize that although the body has left, the love between us lives on. Rather than crumble under a crushing sense of grief, we can focus on encouraging the person to go onto their next adventure with our strength and support, knowing that one day we will meet again. Instead of focusing on the loss, it is far better to send the departed our love and desire for their continued happiness and offer our love to others who are still near. If we do not do this, they may feel our sorrow and heaviness, and we risk closing our hearts to protect against the possibility of further loss.
As we offer our personal attachments and grief, our limited human love can transform into pure love. We do not make grief go away by stifling our life or our love, nor can we bring someone back who has died or left us in another way. But if we are resilient and create meaning within loss by electing to love again, we honor our relationship with the one who has gone. If we fill the empty spaces in our hearts with pure love, we can liberate ourselves from sadness and feel, through the silent language of the heart, the continuity maintained between souls who have been dear to us.
An Exercise to Connect Through Love
The point at the center of the forehead just above and between the eyebrows is called the third eye, and it is considered the center of intuition and higher awareness. If we gently turn our internal gaze up to the point with eyelids closed, we can experience a different level of wisdom, one not reliant upon the rational mind. Through this intuitive portal we can also connect telepathically with those we love. If you are missing someone who has left your life, you can connect to that person through love by focusing on the third eye point intently and broadcasting your heartfelt love to them. They will receive the telepathic message of your love, and you should feel greater peace and ease from any grief that may have been present.
Excerpt from Breathing Love: Meditation in Action by Jennie Lee ©2018. Used by permission from Llewellyn Worldwide, Ltd.
