The Joy of Being Me

For so many years I I believed that I was not worthy of great things, of passion, or even of happiness. I existed on the periphery of belonging, feeling isolated and disconnected.  I tried becoming what I thought others wanted me to be in an effort to fit in, but it never felt right.

I played small in my world, helping others achieve their dreams and living vicariously through their successes.  I understood deeply the gift of giving, and everything I chose was about helping others. And while that gave me great satisfaction, I still felt incomplete.

I didn’t see then that I was firmly ensconced in resistance.  I had allowed myself to shrink at every suggestion that either crossed my mind or was aimed at me, and was invariably ready with an excuse for why I couldn’t dare.  Such is the power of a passing thought or comment to create havoc in a mind where no quiet can be found.  I had given my power to my fear, fully expecting the world to be as harsh a judge as the critic in my own mind.

After more than twenty years of being weighed down by the agony of unacknowledged passion, I’d finally had enough of  hiding and was beginning to awaken to the possibilities before me.  In the stillness, I could hear my soul clamouring for freedom, adventure, and for the unsuppressed expression of who I am.

Then one day it dawned on me  that for all those years,  I had yearned for people to accept me when I had not yet learned to fully accept myself.

Even once I found the courage to forge a new path and began  embracing the concepts of honouring myself, trusting myself, loving myself , and being myself, my fears still continued to test me. “Who do you think you are?” they asked. “What will people think?  For so long, I’d forgotten that I was in charge of my mind, and not the other way around. Taking back the reins of my thought was a daily challenge, but one I had to rise to if I was going to move forward in my life.

The Universe is always conspiring to help us achieve, but we each still have to be willing to do our part.

I had finally come to a place in my life where I was not only willing to pay attention to the signs, but I was also willing to take unequivocal action in the direction they pointed.  Doors appeared as I advanced toward them and all I had to do was to choose to walk through them.

Guided by my inner voice, I began to see life with a new clarity. I stopped taking myself so seriously, embraced my carefree nature, let go of the struggle to fit in, and began living from my truth. I watched as the pure expression of who I am and the love I bring to the world illuminated my life.  I no longer needed to seek outside myself for recognition.  In letting go of judgment and embracing all aspects of me, the healing that comes with self-acceptance rippled through my life.

I learned to stand up for myself, even when it meant standing up to myself. I learned to love those parts of me that I once hated, knowing they were there to help me; perpetually pointing me in the direction I needed to grow. I learned to be vulnerable and delighted in the discovery that my willingness to be so,  inspired others to open to me.  Authentic connection truly creates a beautiful ripple effect.

I marvelled at the change and delighted in the understanding that every moment of my life has presented me  with exactly what i needed to tune my awareness.  The people and the places I had moved toward in the past, were there to teach me to make different choices that would lead me to  choose me.

That’s what the journey is all about –  learning to love and honour who we are.

With that gentle reframe and a heart full of gratitude, I began to make choices from the authentic core of who I am.  How wonderful it feels  to have finally become an honoured guest in my own heart!

I opened to old friends and new, with ease and with grace.  In learning to accept myself, I also became more accepting of others, and past conflicts simply melted away because I was no longer willing to play a part in them.

Those who see the light in me and appreciate me for who I am, naturally gravitate toward me, as I do them.  Now I flourish in relationships that nourish me and respect differences, where communication is open, and there is unconditional freedom to be and to share without fear of judgment.

Today, I am living my dreams and honouring who I am, allowing myself to be guided by the wisdom of my own inner light. It is in having the courage to give the gift of our authentic selves to the world, that we find our joy, and we finally find our tribe.