So you married your best friend, now what? The vows have been said, cake has been cut, and now your rings are starting to establish a permanent tan line. When you are married to your soul mate you want to keep things fresh and build intimacy for the long and short term. A healthy soul mate marriage keeps growing and evolving, sometimes through strife and often times through fun and bonding. Here are three ways to keep the love, connection, and passion throughout your marriage.
1) Share some hobbies. The couple who sweats together, stays together. That goes for thinks together and feels together too. Have a weekly yoga and meditation date. Go to the local chess playing championships together. Join the local chapter of Mensa together if you are both brainiacs. What did you have in common when you were dating? A love of good wine, a fondness for old movies, capitalize on those interests and try some new ones too. Spend time doing things together outside of the house to remember who you each are and the social and intellectual reasons you were attracted to each other.
2) Find meaning together. Sit down together and brainstorm what gives your lives meaning individually and as a couple. Talk about what opens your heart and gives you an expansive feeling of emotion. Share that part of yourself with each other. Look at if there are any concrete ways you can experience meaning or heart opening doing something together. This could be attending a Buddhist ceremony for peace. It could be volunteering at an animal shelter. It could be spending fifteen minutes together in quiet vigil sending healing thoughts to an ill family member. Share the experiences that have deep meaning with your soul mate spouse.
3) Connect your minds, hearts, and bodies on a regular basis. A great soul mate marriage is connected and in tune. Both people feel close to each other and intimacy keeps building throughout the marriage. Being present to each other is the main way that can happen. Paying attention to your partner’s life and moods. Here is an exercise you can do with your spouse every week to foster feelings of intimacy and well-being in the marriage.
The Triple Infinity Technique
This technique is loosely adapted from Taoist spiritual practices.
Have your guy sit cross legged up against a wall with several large pillows behind his back. This can be on the bed or a clean carpeted floor. Have him reach behind his back and raise the pillow up off the floor while you slip into his lap and wrap your legs around his back. He can then let the pillows go and lean back. You should be sitting so the front of your bodies are flush together from base to chest. You can place a pillow under your backside as needed for comfort. Embrace and relax.
As you hug each other let your minds become quiet – like you are meditating together. Notice each other’s breathing. In time, bring your attention three key areas of the body:
- The lower abdomen area
- The center of the chest or heart center
The “third eye” area between the eyes encompassing the center of the forehead.
Feel each area in turn. Notice the connection between you in each area. Feel it. It may feel like pulsing or tingling. Let there be a gentle feeling of an infinity symbol in each of the three areas. Lazily circling between your bodies, hearts, and minds.
Let this practice be a relaxing part of your time together that you both look forward to amid the strength and connection of your soul mate marriage.
Here are a few tips to be there for each other during times of crisis:
4) Listen – Take turns being the one who gets to express how they are feeling and spend ninety percent of the time simply listening. Let your partner talk and really hear them and offer your support. Most of the time you won’t be able to solve the problem and it can be even more helpful to give your partner the gift of feeling heard and loved.
5) Choose Gentleness – During tough times tensions may be running extra high in a relationship. It is a perfect time to take the gentle path. Speak gently. Let the small stuff slide on stressful days. Show your caring for one another. Allow both members of the couple the opportunity to be the bearers of loving care and kindness in the relationship. Kindness is a salve to heal a weary heart and soul.
6) Cultivate Joy – Even if you may not feel like it try to get out and have some fun together. Remember the good times and keep those memories fresh by taking a hike, going to the beach or a favorite art museum together. Do the things that bring you joy together to buoy you through the tough times and keep in mind that good times will come again.
Your mantras to one another:
I love you.
I support you.
I gratefully receive your love and support.
Your couple’s mantras:
We choose kindness and gentleness in our relationship.
We choose joy in our relationship.
