As I admire the photo of Louise Hay on the cover of this month’s Aspire magazine, I am awestruck at the synchronicities that have impacted my life and led me to enormous personal blessings.
Louise Hay, one of the world’s most enlightened women, is my publisher, mentor, friend, and partner in two separate businesses—Haylo Health and The SWAT Institute. But none of this would have happened had I not aspired to my own greatness, inspired by hers.
To aspire is probably one of the most important gifts you can give to yourself and to the world. Aspiration is the juice that powers our internal battery—giving us drive, desire, hope, excitement, and staying-power for our future.
Many years ago I aspired to be like Louise Hay: A woman with gentle strength and humble confidence, who showed others that self love was the greatest aide to mankind—in every and all situations. Louise inspired me to become the woman I was always meant to be.
She didn’t do it by taking me personally under her wing and teaching me everything she knew. I was a small-town Canadian girl who’d never met anyone famous—including Louise Hay.
Instead, Louise emulated to millions that no matter who you are, where you come from, or even how old (or young) you may be, if you change the way you think and aspire to love and believe in yourself, you can create a life of joy, purpose, passion, and prosperity. You can be anyone you choose to be.
Now, some eight years after first meeting Louise Hay and being signed to Hay House Publishing, I spend my days (and often my nights as well) inspiring others—mostly women. (It’s all about sharing what you’ve learned; passing along the torch.)
I’ve dedicated my life to helping women undo years of negative thinking and cruel and disparaging affirmations and actions; showing first-hand how to let go of a (globally-pervasive) victim-mentality, where far too many of us are waiting for someone to notice how wonderful, good, and/or talented we are.
I actually had one of my client’s recently ask: “How can I still remain both a victim and be empowered? I mean, aren’t victims the compassionate, kind people of the world?”
I was speechless.
I quickly grabbed my dictionary and read the definition of victim to her:
1. a person who suffers from a destructive or injurious action or agency: a victim of an automobile accident.
2. a person who is deceived or cheated, as by his or her own emotions or ignorance, by the dishonesty of others, or by some impersonal agency: a victim of misplaced confidence; the victim of a swindler; a victim of an optical illusion.
3. a person or animal sacrificed or regarded as sacrificed: war victims.
Why would she want to be a victim?
Does she think it’s noble or even saintly to be a martyr—to endure great suffering in order to show the world—even just her parents, sister, and employer—that she was willing to give up herself for their needs?
Is that the pay-off?
I mean, why would we do something over and over
unless we’re getting some kind of benefit?
How often to you find yourself in situation after situation feeling stuck and disempowered? Whether, wishing your spouse would be different—more helpful or attentive, your boss would respect and/or appreciate you more, or your children or parents would notice all the wonderful things you do?
For far too many women the pay-off is paltry and temporary. It’s called self-abnegation. We want people to like us and we’re afraid they won’t if we’re too wonderful . . . if we shine too bright! So to get attention we become victims—we get to have people feel sorry us. But people don’t stick around for long before they realize this has become our drama—our way of trying to gain control; unconsciously sucking energy from others instead of realizing that only we can climb the empowerment ladder in our own life.
The worst part is that not even realizing it, we’ve become both the victim and victimizer of our own lives—deceiving ourselves, cheating ourselves by our own emotions, robbing ourselves of our own happiness, success, joy and self-love.
Switching from the embodiment of victimhood to WOMANhood is a process. The starting point is recognizing that if you are blaming, complaining, mopping around, pointing the finger, waiting and wishing for someone to help you—you are a victim (to a circumstance or person in your life). You may not be a victim to everyone and everything but in this situation—you are a victim. Simple.
You may not even see it right now but once you realize that you’ve become a victim, I encourage you to make a list of everyone you’re still blaming. Then, write each and every one of them a letter using the “voice of your wounded spirit”. Give power to your pain. Tell them how they’ve hurt you, neglected you, betrayed you, and/or abused you. Give yourself permission to grieve what could’ve been and should’ve been.
Write it all!
Every. Last. Feeling.
Every. Last. Thought.
And then share your letters with someone whom you trust and respect—someone you aspire to be like.
Once you’ve really “felt it”—once you’ve named it, claimed it, and grieved it—burn the letters.
You must burn the letters for this to work!
Watch your words lose their power as they go up in smoke. Ask God, the Universe, angels, your spirit guides—whatever you believe—to transmute that pain back into love. God can handle the burdens. You don’t have to.
Say good-bye to the stories of your life. Decide to make these stories your history. Decide that you will not repeat them anymore. Ever.
Decide that you are done blaming. Done.
Finally, make a new list. Write down everything you’ve learned from these people; every gift—even if it’s just to learn how to forgive.
When you find yourself going back to the old stories, remind yourself of the silver lining behind every one of your darkest clouds. Realize that you always have a choice. And not making one is still making one.
As you move forward in your life, focus on where you’re going and who you’re becoming: Strong, confident, happy, beautiful, courageous, and completely empowered!
I believe in you and I know you can do this!