I’ve been hearing this question a lot recently – from my clients, my friends, my kids, even in my own head!
What is behind this question?
“Shouldn’t I be further along by now?” is judgment masquerading as a question. It comes from setting the expectations for our results based on the results we believe we see others achieving.
The problem is that when we compare ourselves to others, we are never seeing the true story. What we are actually comparing to is a fictional story that we concocted, and it is a story designed to inflict pain.
Now I am not saying we are knowingly and intentionally inflicting pain on ourselves. Why would we do that? What I am saying is that our subconscious is creating this story to inflict pain. It is doing this either because we hold a belief that is some version of “I’m not worthy” or because we have an unconscious rule that says we are not allowed to have or achieve that which we set our sights on.
Comparison
So we compare ourselves to others. And even though we can’t see everything about their life or circumstances, we choose to compare ourselves to the best parts of their life – to their highlight reel.
We neglect to look at the parts of their situation that are different than ours. We compare our health to the healthiest person we know. We compare our parenting abilities to the best parents we know. Our business or career to the best entrepreneurs or corporate professionals we know. Our level of fun to the most adventurous, social person we know. And on and on.
We end up comparing ourselves to eight or ten or a dozen other people!!
How can we possibly match up to an amalgamation of this many people?? We are setting ourselves up to lose before we even start.
What if…?
What if I told you that you are enough exactly as you are right now? You are worthy.
What if you are exactly where you are meant to be right now? You are not meant to be further, you haven’t messed up or missed the boat. You are at the perfect point in your journey and everything that brought you here unfolded in perfect form and timing.
What would you do tomorrow if you believed these things today?
Would you take a chance on something that is uncertain? Would you keep moving forward on a dream you were thinking about giving up on? Would you be kinder and gentler with yourself? Would you use your self-talk to speak to yourself like a good friend?
Here’s the thing… I know you are enough. I know you are worthy. The day you were born you passed the worthiness test. There is nothing else you need to do, no improvement you need to make or accomplishment you need to complete. The only criteria for determining your worth is that you are – that you exist.
Isn’t that a relief? There is nothing you need to prove to yourself or anyone else.
When I remember this it feels like a hundred pounds have been lifted off my shoulders. Life opens up along with unlimited possibilities for love and joy. Everything feels lighter and brighter.
Your Assignment
Remember this article the next time you fall into judging yourself harshly. Judgment is based on a piece of fictional storytelling that you created. Investigate the source for that story. What limiting beliefs or outdated rules are holding you back? Take the time to identify them and re-write them so you can move forward with more ease as you create the life you never dreamt was possible.
Have you been dealing with your own version of the question “Shouldn’t I be Further by Now?” How did you release yourself from this judgment in disguise? Share your story with your community. By doing so, you could be someone’s inspiration.
