One day, when I was dialoguing with my higher self, I asked her to teach me about the soul. She told me that our soul holds our gifts and talents, and is an individual manifestation of spirit, created in the image of God-which-is-love. She gave me a beautiful clear picture of our Divine essence being the aspect of the soul energy that is within our body, and showed me that the soul energy extends through the body and also surrounds it. She showed me that the part of the soul energy that extends outside of the body is the aspect that is in connection with the love and wisdom of universe.
She showed me that our soul has been evolving throughout time and enters the body at its own particular stage of consciousness. I saw the soul as a bright light that enlivens the body and extends out to receive the information from Spirit regarding what is true and what is loving to each of us.
We can receive this information at any moment when our intent is to know truth, and to know what is loving to ourselves and to others. Truth does not originate from the mind, and the mind is not capable of discerning truth. The mind creates concepts, beliefs and ideas based on what we have been taught and on our earthly experiences. The mind is programmed to think in very limited ways, often based on judgments of right and wrong, good and bad.
When the mind has a true thought, this thought has actually not originated in the mind. It came from our higher soul and popped into our mind. If we are present as a loving adult, we then take loving action based on the information. If we are not present as a loving adult, we might discount the information, since the mind is not capable of discerning the truth as it comes in.
For example, it’s evening and you are playing on Facebook. You need to be up early the next morning. The thought, originating from Spirit, pops into your mind, “It’s time to get to sleep.” But you are not present as a loving adult. Your ego wounded self is present, the part of you that is addicted to Facebook. Instead of taking action on the true information, you ignore it with an untrue thought originating in the mind, “It’s not that late. A little longer won’t hurt me.” A loving adult with an intent to learn about and support what is in your highest good would listen to the true information about loving yourself and take action on it.
My higher self showed me that when our intent is to learn what is loving to ourselves and others, we stay connected with the information that is always coming in from Spirit and take action on it. But when our intent is to protect against pain, we do not respond to the true information that is coming in. Instead, we discount it and rely instead on the thoughts that originate in the mind – which leads to self-abandonment.
The part of our mind that is our ego wounded self is so arrogant as to believe that the thoughts that it originates – the lies and false beliefs – will bring more safety and happiness than the truth that originates in Spirit.
The challenge of sacred self-care is to learn to discern the difference between thoughts that originate in the mind and thoughts that come into the mind from Spirit. This ability to discern takes time and practice. We need to be willing to make mistakes as we are in this process of learning to love ourselves. With time, you will learn to discern the difference in frequency between what is true and loving and what is not. Part of learning this discernment is being tuned into your feelings, which are a powerful communication system. While truth and loving behavior don’t always feel good in the moment, they feel right. It might feel better in the moment to play on the Internet than to go to sleep, but in the long run it will feel better the next day when you have had enough sleep.
When you learn to discern the difference between mind and soul information, you will know how to take loving care of yourself!
How To Love Yourself
Since most of us had little or no role modeling regarding loving ourselves when we were growing up, it’s often challenging to know what sacred self-care looks like. It’s through my work with my inner child – our feeling self – and my higher self that I’ve discovered what loving myself really means for me.
Sarah asks:
“All I know about ‘loving oneself’ is to not let anyone (anymore) abuse me in any way, including yelling, criticizing me, etc. As I write this, it sounds like I just described “protecting myself”, so maybe I don’t know what loving myself REALLY means. I would love to hear your definition.”
Let’s look at what loving yourself means and what it doesn’t mean.
Loving yourself doesn’t mean:
- “I’m just going to take care of me and screw you.”
- “I’m not responsible for how my behavior affects you. That’s your problem.”
- “If you love me, you will do what I want (whatever that is).”
- “I’m only trying to help you and support you in what I believe is good for you –- even though you haven’t asked for my help or my opinion.”
- “I’ll put my full attention on you and sacrifice myself for you so you will put your full attention on me and sacrifice yourself for me.”
- “When I’m hurting it’s your fault, and it’s up to you to fix it.”
- “Since I need your attention and approval to feel good about myself, it’s okay for me to do whatever I can to get what I need –- such as being overly nice, being angry, blaming you or withdrawing my love from you.”
- “If you love me, and I end up disabled or dying as a result of not taking care of myself physically, that’s your problem, not mine.”
Loving yourself does mean:
- “I am responsible for learning to manage and regulate my own feelings so that I don’t dump my anger, neediness and pain on you.”
- “I am responsible for defining my own worth and giving myself the attention I need, so that I am not needy of getting this from you, and so I can share my love with you, including supporting you in doing what brings you joy.”
- “I am responsible for managing my time, my space and my finances in ways that make me feel safe and don’t place an unnecessary burden on you.”
- “I am responsible for learning how to access a spiritual source of love so that I can share love with you, rather than trying to get love from you.”
- “I am responsible for taking care of my physical wellbeing – eating healthy foods, getting exercise and getting enough sleep, so that you don’t eventually have to take physical care of me, unnecessarily.”
- “I am responsible for the effect my behavior has on you when I have acted out in ways that are hurtful to you.”
- “I am responsible for taking loving care of you when you are my responsibility — because you are my child, or you are old, sick or disabled and I have agreed to take care of you. There are times when it is loving to me to put myself aside for you, like when you are an infant or toddler and you need me, or when you cannot take care of yourself.”
It took me many years of inner work to discover what loving myself looks like for me, and it may be different for you, since each of us has different things that make us feel loved and important.
What Makes You Feel Loved And Important?
You might want to make a list of what you want others to do to make you feel loved and important, and then learn to give yourself the kind of attention, approval, kindness, compassion and understanding that you want from others.
This is what will fill you to overflowing with love, which you can then share with others. In my experience, sharing love is life’s greatest experience!
