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Live Your Purpose: Are You Living on Purpose or Hiding in Fear?

Live Your Purpose: Are You Living on Purpose or Hiding in Fear? by Stacey Curnow | #AspireMag

It’s agonizing isn’t it?

You know you don’t belong in your job. Sure, it puts food on the table and keeps a roof over your head, and with the economy the way it is, you should probably feel grateful for having a job at all, but you wonder…

Could you make it on your own? Could you take the leap and be your own boss? Could you get up every morning and actually be paid well to do what you absolutely love?

A part of you thinks you could. A part of you thinks you would be great at it. A part of you believes doing anything less would be a waste of your God-given talent.

But that’s the problem: it’s only a part.

The rest of you thinks about quitting your job and wants to throw up. It worries about being homeless, looking like a loser, and ruining your child’s life.

“Be rational,” it says. “Who are you to want so much? Just be happy with what you’ve got.”

And so you end up in knots, tossing and turning at four in the morning as the two sides war within you. Which one is telling the truth? Which one is lying?

You just can’t tell, and the uncertainty of it is driving you crazy…

I know, because I’ve been there.

I’ve always been the financial provider in my family, supporting my husband as he pursues his dream of writing the great American novel, and grateful I could fulfill that role. But one day, about 5 years ago, I knew I wanted more.

I had noticed that what I loved most about my work as a midwife was talking with my patients about their hopes for their lives and their families. I realized that I wasn’t just helping them give birth to their babies: I was helping them give birth to their dreams.

And then, I had the epiphany, “These women need a midwife for their LIFE!”

My personal coaching business was born.

I built it while I continued to work the same hours at the hospital. It’s required me to work a lot of late nights and weekends, but when my clients tell me that I’ve helped them accomplish dreams they had all but given up on, and that they even thank God every day for me, it makes it all worth it. In fact, it’s all I want to do.

I love my business, and it’s grown a lot over the last five years, but was it enough to leave behind a career that has defined me for the last 20 years? Could I really expect it to support me and my family?

I knew there was only one way I was ever going to find out, so in April I resigned from my staff position at the hospital.

With no guarantees, I should’ve stayed at my hospital job, right?

I couldn’t do it.

Quite frankly, it’s painful to feel like your dreams are drifting away while you’ve got a family to support, and if you’re like me, you’ll try to convince yourself that your dreams really aren’t worth the risks.

But this is my life, and I believe I will regret a risk I don’t take more than any loss I could suffer.

Which begs another question: why does it have to be so hard?

Your Ego wants to keep you safe (and mediocre).

Whether you call it your Ego or your “voice of reason” or—my favorite—your inner critic, there is a part of your psyche that wants to protect you. And if that means sacrificing your dreams, so be it.

To your Ego, your survival is the only thing that counts, and your dreams are nothing more than a dangerous distraction.

But that doesn’t mean you have to believe it.

The truth is, your Ego is just another voice inside your head. You can view it as a trusted adviser who wants you to think about the risks involved before you do anything unconventional.

It’s prudent to listen to that voice, but you’re by no means obligated to obey it. In fact, challenging it on a regular basis is probably one of the best things you can do.

And how do you do that?

Ask powerful questions.

The key to coming to terms with the Ego is to ask it powerful questions. Asking, “I’ve always struggled financially, so I guess I’m just not supposed to be an artist, right?” is not a powerful question. But asking, “Of the successful artists I admire, who would be willing to mentor me?” is.

“Who would care what I have to say anyway?” is not a powerful question. But asking, “When I believe there is great work inside me, what am I doing?” is—because it leads you in the direction of your dreams.

Small questions are powerful too. “What is the first small step I can take on the road to my dreams?” is an excellent question, and “What’s the next small step?” is a great follow-up.

Engage your Ego in a dialogue around powerful questions, and I promise you’ll receive good answers. In fact, you know you’re asking a good question by the quality of your answer.

If you don’t like the answer, change the question! The point is to free up the voice of your passion and determination, and tone down the voice of your Ego and fears.

But wait, there’s more.

Plan for the worst-case scenario.

Your Ego has another tool in its toolbox and it’s called The Worst-Case Scenario. Make no mistake, the worst-case scenario is daunting, but it’s never a good reason to abandon your dreams.

How do you deal with it? Think about possible crises before you start any passion-driven work, and decide beforehand what you would be willing to do in the face of them.

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About the author 

Stacey Curnow

Stacey Curnow is a sought-after purpose and success coach who recently left behind a 20-year career in nurse-midwifery – helping women give birth to babies – to help women give birth to their BIG dreams.

Stacey is the founder of Midwife for Your Life – a website, blog and series of signature coaching programs – and serves clients all over the world. She is also the Life Purpose Expert for Aspire Magazine.

She published a best-selling children’s book, Ravenna, is a contributing author of Inspiration for a Woman’s Soul: Choosing Happiness (coming in February of 2015), and is currently writing Pain Body Proof: How to Transform Your Negative Thoughts, Improve All Your Relationships and Enjoy More Happiness

You can sample her work by reading The Purpose and Passion Guidebook: 6 Steps to Doing Good, Feeling Good and Achieving Your Dreams. It will inspire you to tap into your deepest desires, claim your true value and identify your soul’s work in order to live your best life.

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  • Peggy Nolan says:

    Hi Stacey,

    I think we each get to chose what feels right for us to do. I am fortunate that my day job is predictable, the hours are normal, and I make 6 figures doing what I do. I still have more than enough time left over to write, write, write 🙂 I am super happy for you and your choice to pursue your coaching biz! I wish you nothing but success and happiness!!

    • midwifeforyourlife says:

      Hi Peggy!

      I’m so glad you highlighted the fact that we all have a choice.

      I know it didn’t always feel that way for me…and I hear that as a persistent challenge with my clients, so we really need more examples of people like you who are embracing their purpose-driven work (as well as many other passions!) and being paid handsomely for it!

      Rock on!

  • That question, What is my purpose, has always been one that followed me around most of my adult life. I have been fortunate to have had a solid career that has allowed me to retire early. Although I loved what I did…it provided tools that enables me to live my purpose today. I do know that once you walk into your purpose….the feeling is amazing. Never give up on finding your purpose is the best lesson I have learned.

    • midwifeforyourlife says:

      Hi Beverly!

      Thanks so much for sharing such an important lesson from your journey. YES, you know when you’ve discovered your purpose because it feels amazing.

      What I want other to know is that if you’re doing work that doesn’t feel amazing, you just need to keep reaching and *feeling* your way into it. Make no mistake, it is out there *waiting* for you.

      I also love the lesson in your journey that your work that provided income was also a means for fueling your discovery of tools that would help you find your purpose too. I started my coaching business five years ago as a “side gig” while I worked full-time in the hospital — and my income from that job absolutely fueled my purpose-driven work of coaching.

      Thanks again for sharing your journey with us!

  • Tonya White Johnson says:

    I totally love this. I went through this last year. I made the decision to leave my fulltime, well paid job and venture out on my own. I promise you every one of those questions you mentioned entered my head, but my heart won. I am living my dream. Sure, its challenging, but so is working for someone else. I rather take the risk for myself. I am living La Vida Loca and loving it!!!
    Thank you for speaking my heart!!

    • midwifeforyourlife says:

      Hi Tonya!

      I love, love, love that your head tried to pick a fight with a bunch of fearful and negative thoughts but your HEART WON! Woo hooo!

      And, yes, we are all expending energy all the time…whether it’s in a soul-sucking job or purpose-driven work that makes your heart SING. I know, for sure, where I want to focus my energy. 🙂

      Keep singing your song, my friend!!

  • Kara Morgan says:

    Very insightful work Stacey. Many of us have asked that question and continue to ask. It’s not an easy question to answer. But I believe as you do that the hardest choices are often the ones that are most worthwhile. Thanks for sharing!

    • midwifeforyourlife says:

      Hi Kara!

      Thanks so much for your kind comment Kara!

      And, yes, I absolutely agree that making hard choices and doing hard work yield the most satisfying results! And when we’re taking inspired action, like I was talking with Tonya, you really don’t mind doing the hard work at all!

      Thank YOU, again, for sharing!

      • Kara Morgan says:

        Stay awesome, Stacey. You’re well on your way.

        • midwifeforyourlife says:

          You too, Kara!! xxoo

  • Virg Lewis says:

    Who am I to do this – oh – the bugaboo question. I know I’m worthy of sharing the information yet that gremlin still surfaces. Mentally I have made my process towards achievement harder than I know it needs to be. I keep second guessing myself and stall. My ‘next steps’ are now on track and soon I will be asking you to check out my Kindle books. (aka Virginia Reeves)

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