It was an assignment as a part of a publishing and promotion class that I started taking in January. Late last year I enrolled in the class with the intention to get a solid outline for a book and to start writing it.
So I looked through notes of the few ideas I had jotted down over the few months prior and came up with an idea. I created an outline for myself and made up a book proposal to complete my first big assignment for the class.
I knew the book proposal wasn’t perfect, but it was good enough for now. I thought it was pretty good idea and based on a subject that I knew a lot about already.
So when I started working with my business and writing coach in February, we started talking about about book writing. The discussion of the coaching session led me to think a few days later, Maybe I’ll get started writing this. After all, I have some free time that has opened up that I didn’t have before. Why not just jump in now?
So I plop down in front of my computer, reference the outline that I made for myself and started diving into writing Chapter 1 as I outlined it.
… and it was the most dreadful experience ever.
With every sentence I felt like I was trying to pull teeth to get the words out. I’d take moments to stop and walk around and then I’d think to myself Come on Jen… you know this material. It’s not like it’s something you don’t know. Just get what you know out on paper.
And so I’d sit back down and start writing again. Gradually and very very slowly.
Over an hour goes by and I go to check my word count. It reads 523. You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me, I think to myself, I write articles on my site every single week that have a minimum of 800 words in less than an hour and with this it’s taking me over hour just to get 500 words?
At that moments I stopped, pulled away, and looked at it all for a second. Do I even want to write this?
The answer was a very quick no.
I did not want to write a book with the kind of focus that I made it out to be. Because I was planning on writing it with that particular focus, it was, to me, incredibly boring and dull. I wasn’t going to have fun writing it that way, so I knew that I had to take the material and repackage it in a way so I could actually enjoy the writing process.
So when my next coaching session came around, my coach asked me about the progress with the book. I explained what I had realized in the process and that I wanted to put it to the side for the time being. She completely understood and we started talking about other potential projects to get started on.
I shared with her a few ideas that I came up with spontaneously in the last few months and we set goals for times to get certain parts of the projects done.
… and I actually did it.
Working on the projects have been incredibly enjoyable and I have actually found myself more energized, excited and inspired. I’ve been able to get into the “flow” with my creativity in these projects and never once have I found myself dreading that I’d have to sit in front of my computer to get the work done.
And I completely loved the process.
A Course in Miracles talks about making vs creating. When we’re in a place of making we are completely in our ego. We’re focused on what it is that we think we need to do or be doing. When we’re truly creating, it’s coming from a love mindset. Its when our true selves are able to be expressed and we allow that natural flow of our own inner truth to pour out of us.
Now, to be clear, with these two terms the Course isn’t talking about creating by being creative. Like, by writing or doing an art project. Rather, the Course is referring to a way of being. It’s referring to a mindset that we are holding on to the the energy that we have behind that mindset.
Many of us are caught up in the “making things happen” kind of mindset. We push ourselves and try to force things to happen. There’s a lot of tension and a lot of trying to control and manipulate things in a way to force them to happen. There isn’t a level of trust there.
To get into a truly creating kind of mindset we have to be willing to let go. We have to surrender a little bit and trust in the process. We have to trust that while something may not make sense right away, that it is going to all come together someway, somehow.
When I was working on my book proposal I had a certain idea on how things “needed” to be and I was trying to force it to happen. Through the process, I was able to realize that to work on it right now in that way it is not the right time. I had to surrender and let it go. And through the process of surrendering, I was able to allow other projects to come to fruition.
That is true co-creation. It is when we are able to surrender what we think needs to happen just enough so that what is truly meant to happen for us is allowed to flow through us naturally and effortlessly.
How are you holding onto things based on how you think they need to happen? What do you need to let go of so you can allow what is in your highest good to be manifested? Share it in the comments below!