It’s staggering how often women put the needs of others before themselves. Instead they ignore their own needs in favor of “pushing through”. It has become an epidemic that I hope will hopefully change.
In the short term, ok that’s cool. But in the long term, other areas of your life WILL suffer if you don’t get help. Many people tolerate living like this for years, becoming increasing stressed and slowly feeling like their soul is dying inside … only to fall victim to illness and sometimes even depression. This is REAL!!
When’s the last time you felt “I just can’t keep this up” or “ I don’t know how I’m gonna get it all done”?
So today I’m going to tackle one of the biggest questions I get asked… HOW do I ask for help Kelly?
This is exactly how I get help from my husband, my children, my team, my friends, my virtual team, my intern… even my house cleaner!!
For many … even the art of asking in itself can be very overwhelming. You often feel guilty and fear you will judged because “I should just do it all myself”. That is NOT the right answer!! It’s time to believe in yourself and care for yourself in the process!
5 steps to Asking and Getting Support:
The first step is to be ok with the fact that YOU NEED HELP!
Although this is the first step, it’s also the hardest. This is where most people get caught up. Accept the fact and tell yourself that you need help and that it is NOT a sign of weakness. Step out of the guilt and pride, be real with yourself and just accept that things could be easier for you when you get support. (Pssst… you’re WORTH IT!)
Then, be sure to remind yourself you’re worth it! Studies show that women in particular are even more reluctant to ask and except help. It seems many of us are wired to think we can conquer it all. (Well, come on, the reality is we can… But it doesn’t mean we should! We aren’t meant to work at that level for a long consistent period of time).
Is there a deeply rooted belief that we can’t and shouldn’t ask for help? Does it make you feel guilty??
Did I mention?? You’re worth it!!
Identify exactly what you need.
Examine your current situation and decide what is the FIRST thing if taken away from you in this moment would have the greatest impact and result and relief for you. This will make it both easier to ask another person for help and easier for you to communicate to this person exactly what you need.
Do you need the laundry put away? The dishwasher unloaded? Someone to do the grocery shopping? Someone to just make all those pesky returns? Perhaps you need a shoulder to cry on and a sympathetic ear? Do you need concrete advice and practical solutions? The “need” will vary from day to day but there is always a place in life you gain some support.
Identify the Right support
Depending on the “need” that was identified, you want to be sure you are getting the support from the right person/people. Though you may be surprised by the willingness of strangers and casual acquaintances to help you, you should probably pick someone who’s well-qualified to give the help you’re looking for. At times, this may be a friend or family member, other times, a professional. Sometimes you may need a little of each. Who can be most reliable to help you get That task done?
Communicate your needs.
Explain to the person who is going to support you EXACTLY how you might want something done, but be open to their ideas as well. The key to getting people to do things for you is that we all process work in different ways and by being flexible we can often gain more support. Sometimes it’s critical to have things done a specific way and this is when it’s important to hire the right people.
Buuut when you’re talking about “free” support, be a little more flexible.
For ex. When I first started assigning jobs to my kids they didn’t do them the way “I would” but in the end they were done none the less. And done is better than waiting for me to get to it.
The key is to communicate what the desired outcome will “look like” when the job or task is finished.
Allow others the joy and allow yourself to receive.
Here’s the reality… many people WANT to help!! Allow them to do that FOR you!! You can always tell when you get a waitress who loves her job. The same way people LOVE to tackle clutter and make sense out of chaos. We are each here with unique gifts, and if we don’t get to use them, we slowly die inside. If I want able to help others, I would feel empty inside and without purpose.
Let others do for you the things they love to do… and then receive. For the more you receive the more you can then give again.
I hope now you’ll at least consider how you may open yourself to receive more support in your life. Do so, so that you can Live Love and Be happy
