It’s the holiday season and, yes, that’s supposed to mean family, fun, and festivities. But for most it means STRESS and lots of it. It’s hard enough as a parent to juggle daily life, staying balanced. But when the holidays arrive, the stress gets so intense that you feel as if you want to run away and hide.
Have you ever asked yourself why you feel this way?
I’ve taken a good look at my own life over the years and what I’ve discovered is that the more I lived by a set of rules in my mind of how things were “supposed to be” during the holidays, the more out of balance and stressed I got. Instead of feeling the warm fuzziness of the season, I often dreaded it.
Here are some of the false beliefs that ruled my life during past holiday seasons. See if you recognize yourself in any of them.
- I have to shop until I drop.
- My home has to look perfect before my family arrives.
- I have to get the “right” amount of gifts for everyone.
- And no one’s gift can be more valuable than another’s.
- I have to spend money even if I don’t have it.
- Holiday decorations and meals must be perfect.
- It’s my job to entertain everyone.
- I have to be on my best behavior.
- I must attend all family and social obligations whether I want to or not.
- I have to put a smile on my face even when I feel like crying.
- Time I would normally have for myself must be thrown out the window.
These are just a FEW of the beliefs I’ve had to rid from my life. Thankfully, I don’t live like this anymore. Holidays are a whole lot more fun now that I’ve cleaned up this list and let these beliefs go!
Did you notice the underlying theme of my list?
My core belief that I lived by during the holidays was that it was my job to make everyone happy! This is what created my stress and imbalance. I gave up myself to please everyone else. The holidays were simply a heightened reflection of what I did the rest of the year!
You already know this, but I’m going to say it anyway…YOU CAN’T MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY….ANY TIME OF THE YEAR! PEOPLE HAVE TO CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY EVEN DURING THE HOLIDAY SEASON!
The only happiness you will ever experience is when you listen to your heart saying YES! to yourself. The reason you get so stressed during the holidays is because you forget this.
Your life goes out of balance because you deny yourself!
How about giving your family a tremendous gift this year? Take a stand for being centered and balanced throughout this holiday season and into the new year. Stay true to your heart.
Here are some steps to get started…
Set an intention for what you want to create this holiday season. Take a moment and think about what would really be joyful to you. Do you want more peace and relaxation? Do you want to spend more quality family time, possibly playing games? Would you like to set some boundaries on the amount of money you spend? Would you like to limit the number of social engagements you attend? If you were to let go of the pictures in your mind of what a holiday “should be,” what would that look like? Make a list.
Write down all of your negative false beliefs about why you feel you can’t have this. What is your running theme? Are you trying to make people happy like I did? Are you performing for others so they will love you and give you approval? What scares you about standing in your truth? Let those beliefs go. The only way you will truly enjoy the holiday is by following your heart!
Now ask yourself, “What steps do I need to take to create this loving holiday?” Years ago our family decided we wanted a more relaxing holiday. As we defined this for ourselves, we realized that meant we wanted to stay at home. My kids wanted to spend this special time snuggled in their own beds, playing games and laying around in their pjs all day. My hubby and I felt the same. That decision was one of the best gifts we ever gave our family. The memories we hold in our hearts and the laughter we shared are more valuable than any present received or given. I’m sure it didn’t make some of our extended family members very happy with us, but it was the right thing for our family.
Communicate your feelings to your family, whether it’s your immediate family or your extended family, as well as to your co-workers and friends. Know that whatever you are feeling is God guiding you. Let go of any guilt. You are creating an opening for everyone to get honest. THIS is the most precious gift!
I invite you to try this exercise this holiday season. Check in with yourself daily and see if you are holding firm to the vision you have created. Here’s a clue to tell you when haven’t: you feel stressed and out of balance again. That’s when you ask yourself, “What would bring me back to center?” Then take action! This may mean dropping everything and taking a nap. Or it may mean that you say “no” to one more office party and spend the night at home with your family. You have to decide what is right for you.
Love yourself through the holidays and into the New Year. Make this awareness your new daily practice. Be this example for your family. Living life from your heart, whether it’s the holiday season or every day of the year, is the greatest gift you will ever give yourself and the ones you hold dear!
About Terri Amos-Britt