I had an interesting conversation with my son about the idea of revenge. He had been watching a show in which one of the main characters was seeking his revenge for the dastardly deed of an evil doer.
We talked about what it means to seek revenge, the feelings that accompany that desire and what it might actually feel like once revenge has been accomplished. I told you it was an interesting conversation. These are big concepts for a 5 year old to grasp.
Somehow, in that conversation I was reminded about an Albert Einstein quote –
“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.”
And then… the perfect metaphor came to me, and now… I want to share it with you.
If you find yourself in a situation that is not what you would like, let’s say an argument of some sort, think about it this way.
Pretend a pot of boiling water represents the unwanted situation. All of the thoughts, emotions and behaviors you have engaged to this point have created the circumstances that make the water boil.
Let me ask you this – If you want the water to change state, either by cooling down or freezing, are you going to add more boiling water to the pot? No! Of course not!
You have to bring an opposing energy to the water. This could be accomplished by simply removing the water from the heat, placing the pot in the fridge or adding some ice.
Bottom line if you want to change the situation it requires changing the thoughts, emotions and behaviors that created it in the first place.
Attention Parents! Here’s a Conversation Worth Having
It is easy to react with upset when your kids are upset. But honestly, that will only escalate the energy in the wrong direction. Remind yourself that you are the grown-up in the situation.
Staying calm and evaluating what is needed, takes disciplined thinking.
Thinking a new way is not always easy in the heat of the moment, to be sure. But you can do it.
Of course you will need to adjust the conversation to an age-appropriate level that your children will understand, but you already knew that.
Your Challenge (Should you choose to accept it!)
Pay attention to the conversation in your head that preceded an unwanted situation. Then choose a new conversation which engages opposite thoughts, emotions and behaviors.
Ask yourself what the situation needs. Does it need more heat or more cool, then bring that.
The only person you have any control over, in the situation, is you. You do not have to worry about trying to change the other person, but pay attention to what happens to their energy in response to yours.
