I recently attended an awesome event, the AW Media 12th Year Anniversary Luncheon. We were 500+powerful women in business in the same room, and it was super-inspiring. (Plus we all received the gift of a Consuela Bag…who could argue with that?!?!)
I couldn’t help but notice this toxic tendency we professional women have to compare. We compare how we are dressed against how others are dressed. We compare the work we do. We compare the number of friends, fans, and clients we have. We compare the money we make. We compare, compare, compare. And it’s killing our chances of a passionate and fulfilling life.
Don’t get me wrong, we LOVE hearing about others’ success. We are truly SO HAPPY for them! And then we allow the gremlins of judgment to come in. Have you ever thought, “why do they have all that (the beautiful style, the impressive work, the big contracts, the adoration of coworkers and team members, the most friends/connections on social media, the BIG money, etc.), and I don’t?”
I am not saying we shouldn’t pay attention to our own style, our own work, our friends, fans, and clients, or the money we make. I am saying that none of those things equates to worth. You’ll notice when comparing that you either come out superior or inferior to others. And neither really feels good long-term because there’s always the next comparison. So how to stop?
1. Recognize the continuum. Each one of us has our own invaluable worth. We are each an infinite continuum of thousands of qualities, strengths, skills, and experience. Your strength in communication may be higher than many others’. No one else in the entire universe has exactly what you have.
2. Define your own success. Look at the important areas of your life and write out your own definition of success. Try to wipe society’s expectations from your brain to do this…what really makes YOU feel successful? Come up with a few personal statements of success and repeat them out loud to yourself daily as a reminder of what really matters.
3. See abundance. The green-eyed monster of jealousy is always coming from a place of lack. Of scarcity. There’s only so much money, beauty, innovation in the world, and you’re somehow coming up short. Realize that there is an infinite amount of all, and someone else’s abundance takes nothing away from you.
4. Take action. After defining your own success, take one small step every day towards what matters to you. Is your definition of success developing joy and independence in others? Then unconditionally love someone, and show them how to do the same. Is your definition of success having a profitable business so you can contribute to the greater good? Then build a business foundation so your revenues exceed your expenses.
5. Share the love. When you observe great things happening to other people, love them, promote them, feel their happiness. What you focus on, increases…and it can’t help but overflow onto you.
6. Ask for help (bonus tip!) If you are wondering how someone looks so great, loves what they do so much, has so many friends, fans, and clients, or makes so much money, ask! Most people love to share what is working in their lives and would be happy to reveal some strategies to help you. And there are many coaches and mentors who specialize in these areas as well.
So, stop comparing yourself to others! Remember, you are unique, worthy, and amazing!
