In a Bad Relationship? Ask Your Heart What to Do

RelationshipWhy do women stay in bad relationships?

There is a very simple answer to this.

The fear of the unknown in the future is more overwhelming than the pain you are experiencing in the present moment.

When something is unpredictable it can cause quite a bit of anxiety. You are creatures of habit. Consistency can feel like a snuggly blanket when we are cold. Knowing what you can expect feels like a comfortable pair of jeans.

However, if you really look at your troubled relationship without judgement or anger, you might see there are options. Judgement is the ego keeping you in fear. It puts blinders on so that you can’t see other ways of doing things. Anger limits your creative thinking and keeps you stuck in negative energy.

Think of the unknown as just a blank canvas. It’s the future and what you can visualize, add color to and positive energy will manifest into a new reality. You can create a new painting. What do you want it to look like?  Is your picture free from the pain but still working on the relationship to see if it can be more emotionally supporting to all concerned? Or does it look like you are out of the relationship and creating a new life for yourself?

You get to decide!

My recommendation is to write out a detailed description of a couple of different scenarios and then sit with each one and see what feels most in alignment with your heart. Your body will speak to you and let you know which one resonates.

I used this process several times in my own marriage. My first image was to try to work on the relationship and save the marriage. I did every creative thing I could do to support the health of the marriage but I didn’t get the same effort from my husband. I felt he was totally disconnected from having honest conversations and just showed up to placate me.

I created a new picture of getting separated and moving him to his own apartment. I wanted the process to go seamlessly with ease, love and no confusion. I can honestly say it went perfectly. A few months into the separation the situation declined dramatically with an increase in ongoing deception.

I sat down one more time to my drawing board and this time the image of ending the marriage was the only one that resonated with my heart. I met him on a sunny Sunday afternoon in late spring at the dog park and told him my decision. I really don’t think it was a surprise. He knew I was done. I had given it my all. There was nothing left for me. To continue would be intentionally hurting myself by causing me more pain.

You commit to a relationship or you get married believing in the core of your heart that you are making the right choice based on your knowledge or awareness that you have at that time. Life happens, things change but you say to yourself I love him, I can handle it. The flip side of this is that things happen that are beyond your threshold of comprehension. They are so painful that your heart breaks open. Now what do you do? Well you never make quick decisions from bad judgement. You are not standing in your power when you are judging.

So, when you start this process, you may go through a few pictures until you get to the final one. Remember it is your canvas, you hold the paint brush. Let you heart speak to you through your creativity. It will evolve into the perfect image that is in alignment with you.

Don’t let the unknown be the stumbling block between you and real happiness. Let your inner guidance give you the directions needed to create more comfort and certainty.

Remember, almost everything you do in life lacks an absolute guarantee. Including love.


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Mal Duane About Mal Duane

Using her own life experiences as a catalyst, Women’s Life Recovery Coach and bestselling author Mal Duane is passionately committed to empowering women in releasing the shackles of shame, pain and self-condemnation to live a life of passion and purpose. Mal is an esteemed “Architect for Change” and blogger on, host of the highly successful teleseries event Reclaim Your Life as well as the bestselling author of Alpha Chick: Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power as well as a co-author in Inspiration for a Woman’s Soul: Choosing Happiness. Visit to claim your free Life Recovery Kit today.