When we are not being our authentic selves, living a life that is true to our soul, there is a voice within us that sometimes screams, and at other times whispers, but is always there.  When we are everyone else’s servant, cook, chief bottle washer, nurse and caretaker, we can pretend not to hear it, but it is always within our hearing.  Our creative spirit is always inside, just waiting to be released.  When we ignore her, when our innate talent lays dormant, she will never allow us to be satisfied with less than who we are.  We can stay very busy and block her out, but deep within we know her truth.
           
I remember a poem I wrote when I was seventeen.  I was struggling to understand life and my purpose.
“There’s something I have to do,
An urge eating inside of me,
And until I find out what it is
I shall never, never be free.
In the darkness of my thoughts I’m lost,
I sink within my sins
In the struggle to know myself
And just where to begin.”

I also remember thinking about that poem again when I was 34, sitting in the office of a psychiatrist.  I was in a deep depression, in great emotional and spiritual pain, trying to understand why I couldn’t stop drinking and why everything in my life had lost its meaning.  A fearful thought haunted me  “Would I be the same at 51?”
           
And, I remember with great joy driving to work one day when I was 51.  The poem I had written at 17 and my deep despair at 34 came back to me and I smiled.  I was sober, had turned my life around and had co-founded a treatment program for women recovering from alcoholism and drug addiction.  I knew I was doing what God wanted me to do with my life then.  I was listening to my soul.
           
Many of us are doing what we think we should do or what we think other people want us to do.  We don’t all have to reach deep despair to find out who we really are.  Nor can we all simply go off and leave our responsibilities to fulfill our soul’s desires, although some women have no choice but to do just that.  Perhaps many of us could avoid deep pain and suffering if we follow author Sarah Ban Breathnach’s advice.  In her wonderful book Simple Abundance, she suggests: “Maybe if we took an hour a day to paint, to plot, or to throw pots we wouldn’t be in pain- physical or psychic.” 

What voice is calling to you?  Is there a talent that you are not expressing?  Is there something you liked doing when you were younger that you have not done in a long time?  What special dreams have you put off because you are “too busy?”  What makes your heart smile?
Take some quiet time and write the following affirmation 10 times a day for 21 days.  You’ll be amazed at the results!

THE UNIVERSE IS GUIDING ME TO DISCOVER WHAT MAKES MY HEART SMILE
AND GIVES ME ALL THE ENERGY I NEED TO ACCOMPLISH IT!

Ruth Fishel is a prolific author, national retreat and workshop leader and meditation teacher. Her books include: the best selling CHANGE ALMOST ANYTING in 21 DAYS, LIVING LIGHT AS A FEATHER, TIME FOR JOY, TIME FOR PEACE, THE JOURNEY WITHIN, HANG IN ‘TIL THE MIRACLE HAPPENS, STOP! DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE BREATHING? And PRECIOUS SOLITUDE.  Ruth’s classes, books and workshops take you on a marvelous journey through pain and loss to inspiration and hope.  They provide you with a gentle path to growth, peace and love of self, others and God.  For more information or to order books please visit www.SpiritHaven.com

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