So, what’s your story?
By Donna Krone

I recently flew out to California for part two of a four-part leadership program. It is an amazing program that offers learning on many different levels. One of those levels happens to be 40 feet up in some redwood trees on what is known
as “Ropes Day.” 

In order to get the full impact of what “Ropes Day” means to me, you need to know my story.  You see, since I was a small child, I have had a severe fear of heights. Not your average, run of the mill fear of heights, but a huge, over the top, clinical fear of heights. When the other kids in my neighborhood walked the small fence in our yard, I always walked beside them safely on the ground. When my sister who is five years older than I wanted a break from me (her shadow), she knew the surest route to solitude was to climb a tree. I got dizzy if I stood on a chair! This fear followed me throughout my life, keeping me from going on amusement rides, climbing ladders, skiing, exploring natural wonders and pretty much enjoying anything that happened above sea level.  
 
Three months ago, in my first experience with the ropes course, my story held true. I was shattered by Ropes Day. Despite the fact that I was hooked up to a belay, I achieved about 1/3 of what the other participants accomplished.  I spent the day feeling weak, weepy and like a failure. My mind kept reminding me, “You don’t do heights, what are you doing in this situation!?” Each exercise they put me through confirmed my belief and my story. 

The second session of the leadership program was different. This time I was able to choose a partner on Ropes Day, and I had some new leadership tools in my pocket.  I knew the importance of “asking for help,” “leaning in 100% to others,” and “co-creating.”  I chose a partner who loved the ropes challenge. He instructed me on where to place my feet, my hands, and what moves to do next. Once I had some instruction, I could actually feel how strong my legs were and what they were capable of. This was new information.  The height and the fear were still there, but I found a way to choose not to put my attention on them. Instead, I put my attention on my partner’s voice and the “next small step.” As I began to experience success, my confidence grew. When I reached what I was sure was my final limit, my partner called for me to do more. After some strong language from me (another new useful tool I was discovering), I met his request.  One small step at a time eventually brought me level with a high wire that was suspended between two redwoods 40 feet in the air. I managed to let go of the tree and face my partner who was standing on another wire running parallel to mine. Palm to palm we leaned in and supported each other.   It was an amazing experience! It was not just that I conquered a fear or had an achievement, it was much more than that. For the first time I was beginning to poke holes in “my story.” If this story wasn’t totally true, then what else had I assumed about myself that might not be true? New possibilities were opening.

Why am I telling you all this?

I have worked with people and their money for many years and I have heard lots of stories. Some common themes are: “I don’t understand money,” or “I will never have enough money,” or “I am bad with money,” or “I don’t really value money,” or “my partner and I will never see eye to eye about money.”  Like my fear of heights, some of these stories have collected evidence over many years… AND…they are still stories.
Ask yourself these questions:

• What is my story?
• What would be different in my life if this story were not true?
• What is the new story I would love to create?
• What evidence can I collect to support this new story?

Perhaps, like me, you can find the creation easier if you ask for some help. You might seek out a financial professional, a friend, a mentor or a coach.  Together you can discover new strengths and new possibilities as you take that all important next small step.

Happy climbing!

Donna Krone is a Certified Professional Coach and a Certified Financial Planner. Donna is the founder of TLL Coaching and Consulting in Massachusetts and a senior partner of Financial Conversations in Tempe, Arizona.  Visit www.tolovelife.com

First appeared in the Aug/Sept 2006 issue of aspire… Magazine.