Still Accepting Blessings…..
By Rose Ewas

“Why do you weep? The Source is within you…”  Rumi

My life is wide, wildly open and you would never guess by looking at me who I have become. As Elie Wiesel says…“no heart is as whole as a broken heart, and I would say that no faith is as solid as a wounded faith.”  I could not agree more.

An invitation has been issued, like it or not, to take a quantum leap in consciousness. I have accepted this invitation and have become fierce about excavating joy and hope in my life, and other lives as well.

But in 2004, things were quite different from the way I feel now. For me, there was only one way from despair and agony to hope, and that was straight through. To go from begging, pleading with God to release me from my body to being grateful that another day has come.

You see, in March of that year, my precious, great-hearted son transcended from his body back into Heaven.

I had begged for release from my body so that I could find my son and see for myself that he was safe and happy. But, my Source knew better and blessed me with more life, even if I couldn’t see it at the time.

Heaven was working with exact precision that day and had arranged for my sister, a gifted and compassionate Medium to be on my doorstep as the police delivered the inconceivable news.

God help me how I screamed that day, and how I was blessed again…I had the bizarre feeling of seeing “me” watching me. I believe the deepest part of my soul made itself available to me, so that my heart and mind would not explode with grief.

I believe it is one of the most horrific of life’s (and love’s) experiences to physically lose a child.  It rips you from your very moorings. It is a wonder, a miracle and a blessing that parents heal at all. But many of us do, sometimes despite ourselves.

If we’re lucky and do the work, we become like the Phoenix rising. Out of the ashes come new thoughts, deeper understanding and perhaps a new relationship to the Source of all. Conscious contact with God was and is my saving grace.

The shift from deep, incomprehensible grief happened, at least for me, very, very slowly.

The first time I perceived my shattered psyche coming to, I was planning a trip to Arizona with my daughter. Christmas was coming and we were looking for hope. The Celebrate Your Life conference seemed to be the ticket.

Before we left however, I needed to have a conversation with my husband. It went something like this:

Me: “OK hon, if the plane crashes, what will you do? How will you handle it?”

John: “Well, if you guys go, I’m not sticking around ...I guess I’ll jump off the Bourne Bridge.”

Me: “Alright honey, I don’t know what the rules are in the other realm, but we’ll find you.”

A very unusual conversation for most couples, but for us it had become normal, open and honest talk of death that we dealt with regularly.

So, on the plane ride to Arizona I could have cared less if the plane crashed. I even taunted God a time or two with…go ahead do it! I had my daughter with me, we would go find John AND we would all be with Sean, together again. Gratefully, My Beloved Source had so much more of life for me to experience.

The conference lit a little flame of hope in both my daughter and myself and the plane ride home was so much different than the ride there. For starters, I did not want the plane to crash and did not mind hearing people talk and laugh. It was the first time in eight months I could experience beauty again as I watched an incredible sunset. It was painted across the sky when the plane was coming in for a landing in Providence R.I., a gorgeous study in dark and light. Stunning. Just like life. I was waking up and paying attention.

During the first year or two I become very attuned to the subtle realm. I had experiences with my son that have opened me up to a while new world of hope. Beautiful, glorious hope!

It was in this time period that I had my first Peak spiritual experience, at one of my favorite places on earth, Kripalu. It had become a refuge and a hope-builder for me, and I tried to go as often as I could. Another Christmas was coming, and the familiar dread and anxiety was creeping in and I knew Kripalu, would at least be of some kind of help.

Joan Borysenko and her husband Gordon Dveirin were presenting a workshop in December that seemed made to order. Two more perfect people could not have hosted this wonderful class. Each day was better than the day before, and the people attending were loving, fabulous beings.

On the last day of this incredible retreat, a miracle happened. As I sat in a sacred circle and looked out of the windows at the small hills behind Kripalu, I could feel and almost see a huge rolling wave undulating and flowing toward the room I was in. It took several moments before it rolled into the room like a wave and then flowed right through me. I felt an incredible all encompassing peace wash through me and said to Sean, “this is how you feel all of the time, this is your existence now, isn’t it?”
           
Shortly after that, we had our closing ceremony and it was time to leave. I walked out of the building so blissed out that I drove home and left all of my luggage and beloved pillow behind, not realizing it until I had arrived in my driveway.  This was another blessing that elevated my thoughts of my son’s physical passing.
           
It helped me realize that if I am a really good mother, a mother who loves to her full capacity and beyond, then I must think more about my son’s existence in Divine fabulousness than my own apparent loss. I would do anything for my son…and I have. How blessed we have been to have had Sean’s physical presence for nineteen years as well as his continued presence, that guides and sustains us!
           
As you have compassionately read my story, I would ask you then to consider this…what if all the things in our life that bring us to our knees, are invitations. If these things must happen, then might the invitation be to live a bigger, deeper and more authentic life? What if these seeming losses were the excavators of our most genuine destined life? What if everything is a blessing that brings you to the vibrant truth of who you came here to be? And suppose when you transcend into Heaven you are more alive than you could have ever been on the physical plane?  Imagine as you look back at your physical incarnation and think, “I’m so glad that I accepted the invitation, and created a little Heaven on earth so that now Heaven is not such a glorious shock!”

Create your Heaven now, bless yourself, nurture yourself and wake up everyday in a grateful state, so that you may then be a blessing to the world.

“I cannot believe that the inscrutable universe turns on an axis of suffering; surely the strange beauty of the world must somewhere rest on pure joy.”  Louise Bogan

Rose Ewas is a Experiential workshop facilitator, inspirational speaker, and practitioner and teacher of several energy modalities.  Following her family lineage of Intuitives and Mediums she is also an Intuitive Life Reader and Hypnotherapist. Rose is writing a book about her incredible experiences and communications with her son after his physical death.
www.aspiremag.net/rose

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