The Scenery May Change, but the Bus Driver Doesn’t
by Tama J. Kieves

So many times I’ve felt edgy about my life, like a high-strung gambler. Maybe the Universe won’t take care of me this time; maybe I bet too much. Maybe I didn’t read the signs right, or, worst of all, maybe the cynics are right and life is just a cold black hole and not an available garden. Then just when I’m about to disintegrate, something shifts—a closed door opens or a generosity occurs—and I’m sheepish, grateful, silly, and faithful again. I feel loved and I can go on. But where is that love when I’m scared? Why does it drop out of sight?

It doesn’t drop out of sight, I’ve discovered—I get scared and close my eyes. I stop loving myself and my life. I breathe more shallowly, tense my heart, rein in my faith, and constrict my energy. When I’m open, love is always there, but sunlight cannot pierce brick.

Recently I traveled to an eco-resort in Mexico’s gorgeous Mayan Riviera as a women’s retreat facilitator. Upon my arrival, I remember staring at the remote, pristine beach of smooth white sand and gleaming aqua-blue water. I wanted to cry. The beauty stung me; it rattled and stilled me. My travel sweat evaporated. I felt naked and robed, emptied and filled, all at the same time. And most of all, I felt very, very loved. I felt loved in that moment, loved in the past, and loved for all time.

Before the retreat, I experienced a week that challenged my confidence and faith in every way. I felt weary inside and tired of giving myself constant pep talks just to function. But standing in that hypnotic warm water, recognizing that my inner voice had brought me there, I remember thinking to myself, “I am always cared for.” It just suddenly seemed logical. I could not be this loved in this moment and forgotten in the next. The nature of this love was all encompassing. Sacred love is consistent.

The Universe isn’t like a rotten boyfriend who loses interest in you if you gain three pounds or who forgets to call on your birthday. The Universe’s love is not erratic or fickle. Love does not suddenly turn away from us—but we turn away from it. When we face a challenge or loss, we often can’t see how love could allow such a thing to happen. We turn our lack of understanding into a loss of trust and a very sad line in the sand.

There is a line in A Course in Miracles that reads, “God has not changed His Mind about you. You are His beloved child in whom He is well-pleased.” The problem is that we often change our mind about God, the Spirit, Universe, or whatever we call that loving undercurrent in our lives.

During a recent retreat, I led a group in an exercise I called “Forgiving the Universe or Forgiving God.” I asked everyone to write down things that stopped her from believing in a guiding, loving energy. Together we explored our disappointments, tragedies, and muffled feelings of confusion. I suggested that we reevaluate the situations to see if we had any responsibility in the outcomes, and to see if there was any growth potential or a way to perceive a soul gift in them. Our lives always present us with chances to heal, grow, and develop into our limitless true selves. Sometimes we don’t see the love or opportunity and we contract with pain and harden our hearts. With hardened hearts, we find even less love in our lives and fewer reasons to believe in good things. Forgiveness offers us the chance to soften again and walk in open fields.

Many of us believe that, in a loving Universe, everything goes our way. But that’s not transcendent love. Transcendent love is a presence that stretches, grows, and dares us to be the greatest expression of ourselves we can be, and loves us all the while. Real love is bigger than our present understanding.

When I was a child, I thought I would drink Hawaiian Punch for the rest of my life. I couldn’t imagine why I wouldn’t. I worshipped that sweet red beverage and absolutely knew I’d want to consume it always. But as I grew older, my tastes changed. There was orange Kool-Aid, for example. And today there is bottled water. I’m glad I couldn’t shape my entire life from that one part of me absolutely convinced it knew what was best.

Of course I’ve faced more arduous transitions than the loss of Hawaiian Punch. I’ve trafficked in betrayal, loss of love, and financial insecurity. Still my life evolved into an expression of myself that is exactly right. That’s why I believe love knows me better than I know myself. I only know my current self, but love knows all my capacities, my destiny and potential. I don’t always get “my way,” but I always find myself along the way.

Just try on the idea that sacred love is consistent. No matter what’s going on, you are still safe and the clouds are not real. I often tell clients, “The scenery may change, but the bus driver doesn’t.” Sometimes our imaginations take us on horrible journeys, but we are still sitting on the bus and it’s still heading in the right direction. We all go through periods of loss and adjustment, but we can always find fresh inspiration. The love that inspired you yesterday is still within you; it’s just waiting for a new mode of expression.

On that same magical trip to Mexico, I decided to get a temporary henna tattoo on my ankle. I picked a Chinese symbol representing the word “always.” I wanted to remind myself that the same loving force that helped me experience the women’s retreat was the same force that blessed me always, even in times of shadow and strain.

Maybe it’s ironic that my temporary tattoo means “always.” But it’s fitting, also, because that tattoo will fade from sight, just as my comfort and trust will no doubt fade from my experience. But always is always. I am always loved, whether or not I see or feel it. If I have been guided and loved once, that same force is with me now, as it is with you. Love does not change its mind. These days, I’m trying not to change my mind about love.

Tama J. Kieves is a sought-after speaker, visionary career coach, and bestselling author of This Time I Dance! Trusting the Journey of Creating the Work You Love: How One Harvard Lawyer Left It All to Have It All! (Tarcher/Penguin). A faculty member at the Omega Institute and Kripalu, she also teaches at Canyon Ranch. Learn more by visiting www.AwakeningArtistry.com

First appeared in the Apr/May 07 issue of aspire… Magazine.