Confessions of a Cowardly Lion
By Dr. Kevin Ross Emery
 “I thought you were afraid of heights,” my friend said.
“I am.”
“Then how can you stand there and look over the edge?” he asked, referring to the massive red rock structure I was standing on in the Badlands of South Dakota.
“Because I promised myself a long time ago that I would never not do something just because I was afraid. I refuse to give my power away to my fear,” I told him, as I continued to absorb the beauty of
the dusty red rock. Experiencing this vista was my reward for summoning the courage to act despite my fear.
That was over fifteen years ago. Since that day, I have not only hung out in high places, but learned both mountain biking and snowboarding. Once I put the reality that I would never let fear keep me from experiencing something I wanted to experience into words, my relationship with both fear and courage changed.
In the Serenity Prayer, a tool I frequently use with clients in my coaching and counseling practice, we ask to be granted the courage to change the things we can. Since courage only exists in the presence of fear, I feel it is prudent to examine the nature of fear in greater depth so when we face it, our new understanding will help us find our courage.
Oftentimes when I want to understand something better, I break it into the four realms of human experience: physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual.
Fears in the physical realm are the simplest and easiest to recognize. They arise from situations where there is a risk of physical injury, like falling off the roof when retrieving a cat or driving fast in heavy traffic. These situations involve potential consequences (injury) that are physical in nature.
Fears in the emotional realm involve emotional risk, an exposure or vulnerability. Again, there is a potential for injury, but not one that can be immediately seen on a physical level (though as we know, emotional states effect our physical health).
Fears in the mental realm are insecurities about our intelligence or intellectual capacity. The risk is that you aren’t smart enough to perform a certain task or don’t have the capability to handle a certain situation.
Now we come to the spiritual level whereas we all know, things function a little differently. True spiritual fears are not overcome by courage, they are overcome by faith. Faith is knowing the truth about yourself, existence and God. The risk is that your knowledge is incorrect or your faith misplaced (doubt), and it takes courage to embrace your faith in the face of such fear and doubt. My faith is knowing that God loves me unconditionally and is only interested in supporting me on my journey through life. There have been plenty of times in my life where that faith has been tested, and it took great courage to return to it, despite my doubts.
So we now have a rudimentary understanding of the four aspects of fear. The question remains, what do we do when we encounter them? As is often the case in my work, there are several very practical steps I ask my clients to take when it's time to move through a fear.
When you're faced with a situation that demands courage, this is what I recommend:
- Assess:
- Is it a rational or irrational fear? (Does the fear make sense? Where is it coming from?)
- Engage external support (Friends and family or professional help like coaches or counselors)
- What are the risks and rewards?
- What is your chance of succeeding?
- What is your goal?
- Plan
- What needs to be done?
- How to take action
- When to take action
- Who can help?
- Act
To find the courage to overcome fears, you must first understand the fear and your relationship with it. Going through this simple process can help you manage and even dispel your fear. These steps are most appropriate when the fear is rational. Irrational fears take another process to find the courage to overcome.
Here is the confession of this cowardly lion. I have worked through many fears in my life using a combination of self-examination (the process above) and bravado (stubbornness).
Am I still afraid of heights? Yes. Did it stop me from taking the small plane into the crater of the volcano? No. Through the process I've outlined, I have overcome nearly all of the rational side of my fear. Working on the irrational side often involves past lives and foreshadowing, which are topics for another day. My journey through fear is not over, and may never be, but I no longer let my fears stop me from having a desired experience.
And I can live with that.
Author, teacher, psychic, coach, counselor, consultant, medical intuitive and, for the last 30 years, Dr Kevin has done it all. He travels all over the world empowering individuals and businesses. 603-433-5784 www.kevinrossemery.com
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