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An 11 Step Process for Shedding Life-long Insecurity

An 11 Step Process for Shedding Life-long Insecurity by Kim Lachapelle | #AspireMag

As I moved away from the tactics I’d been taught to survive, I came to know and trust myself more than any other, and I began to show that to the world.There simply is no other way to live than being true to yourself. Is it time for a deeper view inside of yourself at this time in your life?

Here is my 11 step process for shedding life-long insecurity:

1. Look at the lies you’ve told in your life and find deep self forgiveness.

What I mean by deep self forgiveness is you must do more than just state you have forgiven yourself because you are living differently.  You must have compassionate feelings that support a willingness to forgive.  You have to believe it and you have to BE it.  Admit who you are and who you have been and forgive yourself out loud for ALL of those lies for all of these years.

2. Look at the DECISIONS you made based on low self-worth/self-trust and lies.

Making a decision means to pass judgment and reach a conclusion, to make up one’s mind. So where have you decided to do something you knew deep down was not based in self-worth and self-trust but you made it anyway?  Where have you trusted others to decide for you?

3. You DETERMINE your self-worth. What is it? Claim it!

To determine is not just admittance.  Establish conclusively what exactly your self-worth is and then you state it to be true, with certainty and conviction – and you maintain this self-worth.

4. DECIDE you are trust-worthy. Who can count on you? Can YOU count on yourself?

Make up your mind and conclude that you are!  Give some detailed examples of how you are and where you are being trust-worthy.  Make a self judgment and answer the questions in this step, with complete honesty.  If you have any doubts do not move on until they are gone.

5. Determine your TRUTH. What are your values? Your beliefs? What would a “congruent” life look like?

There is a big difference between what in your life is true for the moment and what your absolute truth is.  Many times what feels like truth is actually your perception of a situation through your lens in which you see the world and is not at all the truth.  Look at the gaps between how you are living your life with each value you have and question why. By congruent I mean what would your life look like if everything you value and everything you believe lined up perfectly with everything you are and who you are being?

6. Now, you must SHAPE who you would be if you were acting on these truths. What would be different in your life? This is where things start to get tough…

Talk about it, write it down, create an outline, a silhouette if you will, and be specific about the form you would take on.

7. You’re going to slam up against limiting beliefs looking at how things would be different in your life with the truth. It’s time to figure out which ones you’re attached to and how you will make them UN-limited.

This is a very difficult step to do on your own because you think your beliefs are the truth of the world unless you have an experienced qualified person to challenge you. For example, some of my limiting beliefs were:  I could not be financially successful without giving up all of my time to business – I could not be a good mother from a marriage that dissolved.  Both of these are untrue – I am financially successful with life/work balance in play.  I am a good mother – and have always been.

8.What needs to go…entirely? What needs just to be strengthened by truth?

This is when you take inventory with all of your relationships and all of your decisions. Don’t hide from it, but do it safely, with someone qualified (a certified professional coach or perhaps a therapist)…so you’re not making any knee-jerk emotional decisions.

Often people find themselves eliminating relationships in their life because they (the others) are toxic.  Many times this is premature because the person making the decision is not aware that they too are toxic and they are taking the easy way out by avoidance or eliminating instead of changing self to be less toxic or taking the time to find their own truth. Which is why it is so important to do this step right.

9. This is where you officially REMOVE it, if necessary. Or CHANGE it with anabolic energy.

For all practical purposes, there are two kinds of energy: anabolic and catabolic. Anabolic describes energy that is positive, constructive, healing, and growth-oriented. Anabolic energy helps move you forward and achieve positive, successful results, and is useful in leading others in the same direction. Catabolic describes energy that is draining, destructive, and potentially very toxic to you and to all those around you.

I saw clearly how some relationships were catabolic because of my thinking, not because of the other person’s actions and was able to truly shift my thinking and those relationships are now healthy.  I also saw clearly how a few relationships were catabolic because of their thinking and their actions and clearly there was no shifting, they just were toxic and needed to be removed from my life in order for me to be healthy, positive and real.

10. Now share yourself boldly with self-worth and self-trust.

By removing it or changing it, you are able to live your life and share yourself with the highest level of confidence, security and trust.  You are aware of energy around you and within you.  You consciously make decisions based in the “who-you-are-now” and not based on interpretations because of your response (or “comfort level”) in the past.   I know this because I am living this.  I have been here for a few years now and have never been so free, confident, and worthy of my own and others trust.

11. Is when you pay it forward.

You do something, take on some project or commitment, where you are passing on the truth, the realness.

I have to be vigilant in not faking it or acting-as-if ever again.  I am worth it and so are you! It is essential that you experience the “power of the witness”—where your growth is SEEN by others, not kept in the dark, where it could wither. So, paying it forward is ESSENTIAL to finally being free!

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About the author 

Kim Lachapelle

Kim Lachapelle’s greatest passion is to help women shift from feeling unworthy to living with self-worth while providing a friendly, safe and free-spirited space to work within.More than anything she wants you to be able to speak and act from your own truth, knowing it is as powerful and worthy as anyone else’s.

Kim holds a Master of Management degree and has an extensive background in life and leadership coaching, talent development, and training. Learn more at http://www.kimlachapelle.com and download Kim’s free eBook “The 6 Stage Spiral: Why You are Feeling Unworthy & How to Break Free” and her free guided meditation “Give Yourself the Gift of You”.

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