When I was in my early thirties, I played small due to the overwhelming amount of fear that used to run my operating system. I was controlled by the fear of failing, the fear of not being successful enough, the fear of looking foolish, and the fear of disappointing others.
The fear was so strong that I eventually stopped listening to my inner wisdom and heart knowing. I gave up my dreams and decided to do what was “expected” of me (what conventional wisdom said was the “responsible” thing to do).
I temporarily gave up my dream of being a life coach because my fear told me the responsible thing was to go back to school to earn my master’s degree in HR Leadership, Training, and Development. I also temporarily gave up my desire to work on my own terms because my fear said the responsible thing was to accept a stressful 50+ hour a week soul-starving corporate job.
Back then, my fear was moving so fast that my heart and soul had almost no chance of catching up. I was spinning, or dare I say free falling, through life until my heart and soul finally got my attention and forced me to slow down.
When I finally slowed down, and woke up, I was able to not only see how much fear had taken over my life, but just how out of alignment my life was from my soul’s path and heart’s desire.
That was when I made the self-loving promise to choose love over fear no matter what.
Choosing love over fear doesn’t mean fear won’t show up. It means having the wisdom, strength, practices and tools to conjure up the courage to live in alignment with your heart and soul desire… even when fear is present.
How to Choose Love Over Fear
-Slow Down. The first step to choosing love over fear is the choosing to stop, breathe, and be. Slowing down allows you to listen to your inner wisdom and heart-knowing before taking action
-Check in with Your Body. Tune into your body whenever you’re trying to choose love over fear. Your body always knows. When you’re choosing love over fear, your body will feel calm, expansive, excited, and open. When you’re choosing fear over love, your body will feel contracted, disconnected, and stressed.
-Give Your Fear Voice. Give your fear permission to take up space and express all the messy feelings associated with it (anger, sadness, jealousy, guilt, disappointment, etc.). Giving your fear voice will allow it to move through you instead of getting stuck inside of you.
-Strengthen Your Relationship With Your Inner Wisdom. Your inner wisdom (also known as your intuition or inner guidance) is the loving truth inside of your heart and soul that will guide you with only love. When you have a strong relationship with your inner wisdom, it will speak to you with love and compassion, just like a best friend would talk to you.
-Be Witnessed Without Judgement. Find someone you trust or a community of like-minded souls, who can hold space for you and witness you without judgement. Allow them to fully see you as you bring your fear into the light. Being witnessed without judgement is one of the most liberating and transformational human experiences.
-Be Gentle With Yourself. Releasing fear is like extracting poison from your body. So be gentle with yourself. Amp up on self-care. Fill your body with nourishing food and water. Give your body an oil massage. Take salt baths. Allow your mind, body and heart to recover.
-Speak Your Truth. Sometimes it can feel crazy scary to speak your truth. The fear can feel so big – so thick – that it physically blocks you from sharing your truth. And as a result, without consciously realizing it, this silence causes dis-ease. Notice where in your life are you not expressing yourself? Where do you desire to more fully and freely express yourself?
-Shine Brightly. Fear wants you to hide your light. That’s how fear tries to protect you. Have you ever wanted to hide your light because you didn’t want to others to feel threatened or jealous? Marianne Williamson reminded us to choose love over fear when she wrote “there is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine”… “And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
-Practice Choosing Love Over Fear. It may sound cliché, but one of the best ways to choose love over fear is to practice choosing love over fear every single day. Make this part of your daily practice. Incorporate this into your way of life. Practice feeling into all of your decisions. Are you making choices based on trust over scarcity? Acceptance over worry? Compassion over confusion? Love over fear?
Get curious and pay attention to when fear is trying to drive your life. Then slow everything down so you can make wise courageous choices that are fully aligned with your heart and soul.