Whether you suffer from white knuckles every time you have to step on an airplane or whether you break into a sweat every time you think of spreading your wings in life, it could be that you suffer from a fear of flying.Even if you love getting into a 747, you might freeze when confronted with that dream that is growing within you. I mean the one with the wings that might be flapping around inside that little cage inside your heart, wanting to soar free.
Here are seven “flying lessons” for you, taken from my award-winning book, Flying Lessons: How to Be the Pilot of Your Own Life. As you read them, think of the metaphor of flight. Think of how your heart longs to lift you and your life above the “gravity” that might be keeping you limited to the part of our experience that is discouraging and often dark and depressing.
Now think of a dream you have, perhaps one that seems hard to achieve. For now, forget “practicality” and think of what it would feel like to “fly” with that dream. What does your body feel like? What emotions do you feel now?
Now, consider these seven lessons, summarized very briefly here for you:
1. Know Where You’re Going to Land: No, we don’t mean you now have to land the airplane. This is about finding a safe landing space inside, like thinking of family or friends or a gorgeous place in nature, or saying a favorite prayer. The more you can breathe into this solid ground and call it your own, the more your nervous system will relax. Now see if you can take it even deeper and go with your breath deep into your heart to see if you can locate and be with a place of deep peace. This is your solid ground, your safe landing place that no one can ever take from you. Even if the “engine” of your dream were to fail, this is where you would land.
2. Bring enough fuel for the Journey: We all have those times when we “run out of gas” either physically or emotionally or even spiritually, and want to quit. So what “fuel” will you bring along for the journey toward your dream? What truly nourishes you? Inspiration, humor, beauty and meaning can serve as premium fuels that will carry you through this experience. And you are the pilot who must gather and bring these; no one else can be in charge of keeping that fuel tank full.
3. Take the Pilot’s Seat. What this means is deciding that you are in charge of the kind of experience you have. it is an illusion that something or someone “makes” us feel a certain way. But, this is hard to remember when we are dealing with the cast of inner characters or archetypes who may want to run the show. When I go on an adventure, I want the wisest, most experienced, most enlightened, kindest and most powerful part of me in the pilot’s seat. Deciding on that is an empowering act.
4. Remember Why You Long to Fly: That dream of yours emerged from a deep part of your soul that wants you to spread those wings and rise above your doubts and fears to achieve a higher level of joy and fulfillment. And that soul-bird in that cage in your heart is aligned with beauty, with meaning, with authentic power and fulfillment. When you have those moments where you want to quit, it’s so important to remember your deepest beliefs about why you’re on the planet and what you desire to be able to say about your life on the last day. Feel into that, and see if you don’t begin to feel the urge to wiggle those wings.
5. Communicate With the Controllers: If you have stories of disaster, doubt or doom jamming your headphones, try changing the playlist on that inner iPod by switching to a different thought or story. You can be the controller of your own thoughts with practice and break free of the fear cycle. Our worst “controllers” are not bosses or cranky partners, but inner critics. Try reassuring your inner critic and asking to hear the voice of your inner ally. See if you can find a “controller” who is there to keep you safe and guide you on your journey. That’s the right frequency—stay tuned to it!
6. Broaden Your Scan: Are you scaring yourself by fixating on one aspect of your experience, like or doom-filled thoughts or scenarios of failure? Take a lesson from pilots, who must switch in bad weather from looking outside the plane to flying by instruments. If the outer world is confusing or blinding you, it’s time to go inside and check with your intuition. If things seem unreasonable, move away from logic and involve your heart. In fact, try always allowing your heart to trump your head, and your pilot’s scan will always keep you on the right heading.
7. Give Way to the Winds: OK, so sometimes all our attempts to figure it out and change it simply do not work. The “weather” inside or out is just too turbulent. So, try surrendering, handing your experience over to whatever higher power you believe in. If you don’t experience the Divine, choose nature or anything grander and more powerful and mysterious than yourself. Lie on the earth if you can and simply surrender. Breathe in the relief and tenderly invite your body and mind to relax.
I hope this metaphor resonates with you, and that you find the lessons helpful. I’ve always found that people can understand and use these lessons even on their first “flight,” just by picturing their own wings inside. See if you can feel them right now. Wiggle those wings! Your dream is already stirring.
