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5 Self-Love Antidotes to the Toxic Habit of Comparison

5 Self-Love Antidotes to the Toxic Habit of Comparison by Christine Arylo and Amy Ahlers | #AspireMag

You probably have best friends and smart little people in your life. You think the world of them. See their brilliance. Love them unconditionally. Think they are the cat’s meow.

Which is why our heart breaks when we witness our daughters, goddess daughters, best friends, clients, do one of the most abusive acts we can take against ourselves…

COMPARE ourselves to other people in a way that makes us feel inferior, less than, like we should be doing more, like we aren’t enough because we aren’t doing/being/having what someone else has.

Comparing yourself to another human is like consuming a green gallon of toxic poison – makes you feel like crap, poisons your view of yourself, and kills your spirit.

You know what we are talking about, yes?

The good news is that you are not the only one that compares their body/accomplishments/creations/bank accounts/relationships/yada-yada. In fact this toxic habit starts young – if you’re a parent your child is already doing it, and if you are a parent alive in today’s crazy consumer media frenzied society, chances are you doing it too.

I, Christine, can remember when I came to visit my goddess daughter Janie when she was 6 and I asked her “Do you ever compare yourself?” She replied dumbfounded, “What is comparison?” As a kindergartener, she had no concept of comparing herself to another because she didn’t do it. Fast forward to my visit these past three years, when we have to have long conversations and interventions regarding her inner mean girl, the Comparison Queen Victoria.

While I hate that Janie has to deal with this Inner Mean Girl – I am so grateful we have a way to interact with it in a way that empowers her to change her thoughts and remember how talented, beautiful, and special she is – just as Jane, no one else. And while Jane may only be 10, I think she speaks for all of us, especially women, who sadly compare ourselves all the time.

So what did I tell Jane to help her deal with this nefarious force? How did I give up comparison 5 years ago because just like when I gave up smoking over a decade ago, I was sick and tired of how it made me feel like crap?

Well I did several things, which I share with you here as self-love antidotes to the toxic habit of Comparison.

Next time your inner mean girl the Comparison Queen rears her ugly head, try one of these self-love antidotes:

  1. Turn the channel of your mind to your Inner Wisdom instead and remember this: Anytime you compare yourself to another, you are actually witnessing something inside of YOU that wants to be set free, express itself more, or be acknowledged (most of all by you!).  Your Comparison Queen is just afraid of risks, progress, rejection, and your greatness which is why she does crazy things like get jealous, judge others, turn a friend’s great news into a reason to feel bad about yourself; measure you against people who have accomplished amazing feats or who are doing what you really want to do but haven’t done yet; make your good news seem like it’s not enough… but that’s all a smoke screen for your greatness. So, next time you compare yourself notice that what you are seeing in someone else is also present inside of you.
  2. Apply Inspiration & Appreciation ASAP – Remember a time you recently compared yourself to someone else – in addition to feeling crappy about yourself, notice it also made you feel isolated, separate and alone. Prime time for an Inner Mean Girl attack! Comparison creates disconnection. SO next time you start comparing yourself, instead of disconnecting, we dare you to CONNECT… with the exact person you are comparing yourself too… yep!
  3. The next time you start comparing yourself to someone else … STOP! And appreciate them instead! Turn the channel in your head to the Love Channel, and find something you appreciate about this person, or something about them that inspires you.
  4. THEN — DO NOT SKIP THIS STEP — reach out to that person and tell them specifically what inspires you about them! If you are in person with them, go talk to them. If you are not in person, email or Facebook them. If this makes you apprehensive – it’s supposed to … it’s a double dog DARE! Try it – We bet you’ll like it!
  5. Create a relationship with this force inside of you – your INNER Mean Girl – that empowers you to be the OBSERVER OF rather than the VICTIM TO her… and then give her a new job. Christine’s Comparison Queen Mean Patty is now my Talent Scout –instead of tormenting her with other people’s achievements she brings Christine people doing great things to inspire her to her greatness.

Which of the above antidotes will you try next time you have an Inner Mean Girl Attack at the hands of your Comparison Queen?

What Kind of INNER MEAN GIRL Is Bullying You – A Perfectionist, Doing Addict, Rejection Queen or ?? My good friends, @AmyAhlers & @ChristineArylo, have worked with over 30,000 to help women around the world to transform their inner critics, aka Inner Mean Girls. It’s time we stand up to our Inner Mean Girls so we can stop being so hard on ourselves.

They’ve even identified 13 different types of Inner Mean Girls specific to women – the Achievement Junkie, the Good Girl, the Comparison Queen, the WorryWart, to name a few – which ones are sabotaging you?

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About the author 

Christine Arylo and Amy Ahlers

Amy Ahlers & Christine Arylo are the best-selling authors and transformational teachers who co-founded the internationally acclaimed Inner Mean Girl Reform School that has served over 30,000 women on 6 continents to transform their inner critics and empower their inner wisdom.
Want to meet your Inner Mean Girl? Go here to take the free Inner Mean Girl quiz
Inner Mean Girl Quiz

Grab a copy of their new book, Reform Your Inner Mean Girl: 7 Steps to Stop Bullying Yourself and Start Loving Yourself if you are ready to break free of self-sabotage & self-bullying!
www.InnerMeanGirlBook.com

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  • Virg Lewis says:

    Observing what is bothering you is so important as that reduces the emotional impact. I agree, when you are comparing yourself to another it is a sign that something inside of you wants and needs to change. Appreciating that quality that stands out for you can lead to more awareness. I like the suggestion to reach out and thank the other person for their trait or service. Be inspired to take action on this inner kick.

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