Now that the holidays are fast approaching, do you feel your stomach tightening, aside reflux building and restless nights setting in? They are real symptoms for many of us who experience holiday dread. I’m not saying you are a “bah-humbug” but rather a “oh do I really have to go there”.
The last several days I have been listening to conversations of friends who are freaking out about family functions. I have heard stories about the anticipation of some relative causing mayhem with outright insults and others just giving the usual cold shoulder. It’s comforting to know that it is so common that many of us experience family stress around the holidays.
Let’s face it, family gatherings can really stir the emotional pot of unresolved emotional wounds.
However, in most cases it may be more about our individual perception than actual events. I am not minimizing that there can be the possibility of real emotional residue but in most cases it is just the thoughtless and totally annoying behavior of certain family members that can do us in.
For many of us who have been predisposed to alcohol abuse, we fondly call the holidays-hurricane season. A holiday family dinner can turn into a blistering blizzard over dessert faster than you can pour a cup of coffee.
A smart approach is to create a survival plan for when tempers flare and insults fly. My own experience of some less than memorable holiday parties (some where I may have been the disrupting factor) inspired me to have a strategy of maintaining my sense of humor about dealing with challenging family members or an insulting guest.
Here are 5 steps you can apply to any scenario to keep you laughing through the maze of holiday dread. Actually these are pretty helpful throughout the year if you want to know the truth.
- Never engage when insulted at a party. Distract the opposition (who most likely is inebriated) with compliments on their attire or to thank them for their gift (knowing they didn’t give you one). It will totally confuse them and they will never admit they didn’t bring you a gift.
- If cornered by a relative who keeps telling you the same story again at this year’s party, enthusiastically jump to the punch line first. They will assume you are in alignment with them and favoring their perspective of events. Quickly you can become allies until next year.
- A terrible comment is made at the dinner table. Just act is if you didn’t hear it. In fact just blow your nose and comment on the discomfort of your oncoming cold. Very rarely do people repeat despicable comments. You saved yourself from having to take a stand on something that never really mattered anyways.
- A dear relative brings a dish they prepared and you would prefer to leave it outside for the wildlife if it wouldn’t poison them. You can intentionally overcook it and then apologize profusely that you ruined it and had to throw it away. You’ll be saving all the other guests from severe gastric distress.
- The precious ginger bread house that you worked on for days is centered on the table. All are in awe of this fabulously decorated little house with its shiny white icing. Then one of your least favorite relatives says it looks just like the one she saw on sale at Costco. Per chance did you get it there? Before hitting her with a gumdrop off the head, admire her frugality but enlighten her how you loved spending your precious time making it all by hand. You only wanted the best for her.
You may notice that I am injecting some humor here because the fact is we all can get a little edgy during the holidays. Honestly, I am trying to ignite more compassion within you so when some of these trivial scenarios occur, you don’t end up taking a tantrum. You will be able to recognize the absurdity in what is happening around you. Now you know you can defuse with humor, distract the opposition by laughing and kill them with kindness.
Plus, you will feel much better in the morning!
