Fitting into the expectations and ideas of others started at an early age. Did you know what your life would be like when you grew up? Or was your life path already decided for you?
Often our family, friends, teachers, or other people impose ideas about what we should do with our lives. Sometimes our ideas are self-imposed. When you were young you may have wanted to travel the world because you like to embark on new adventures. Maybe you wanted to be an artist because you enjoyed creating things. Maybe you wanted to rescue animals because you were concerned that so many of them are homeless or endangered.
But someone brought you back to Earth and told you to go to college and get a job, and maybe get married and have a couple of kids too. And pets, but not too many. (Side note: I have 4 cats! Some say that’s too many)
Nothing wrong with aiming for a “normal” life, it’s just that too often we’re encouraged to follow the life script, and we’re left thinking that’s ALL we can do.
The people in our lives meant well and wanted us to live a life that was certain and stable, but many times they don’t consider our unique gifts or passions. Perhaps you were taught not to consider them either.
Doing all the “right things”
So you went through life doing the things you should be doing even though you’ve always had your sights set on doing something else that’s close to your heart. Maybe you don’t remember what you really wanted to do. Either way you’ve convinced yourself you’re quite happy, as happy as anyone could be. But when you’re honest with yourself, you know that something is not quite right.
That was my experience. Throughout much of my life, I tried to meet other people’s expectations. I wound up feeling anxious and depressed and couldn’t see a way out, until I remembered the dream I had long ago to empower women to be the hero in their own lives. After burning out from my corporate career, I decided to pursue that dream.
If you put your dreams aside, or if you’ve completely forgotten them, you might be feeling some distress right now. You know it’s time to make a change, but you think you should hang in there. You believe that eventually something will magically change and it’ll all be fine.
But thinking this way is detrimental to your happiness because:
- You live by other’s expectations, but feel like you’re sitting on the sidelines of your own life.
- You create a false persona that everyone sees, but you feel alienated from your real self.
- You see a large gap between what you really want to do and what you’re doing now, and you feel stuck and confused.
Step powerfully towards your heart’s desire
If you want to close that divide now instead of waiting for the years to pass by, or for that magical event to suddenly happen, here are 4 tips to help you do so:
- Shed the “shoulds.” Other people’s ideas about life are based on their needs, experiences, and beliefs. Learn how much of them are yours, and how much of them are someone else’s. As you go through this sorting process you’ll get rid of what’s no longer serving you. And you can use this information to begin creating the life you want.
- Make happiness your priority. If you’re passionate about being an artist or traveling around the world or you have other aspirations, chase your goals and don’t let anyone stop you. Your happiness is a priority. Give yourself permission to honor your values, needs, and desires. When you do, you’ll feel more connected to yourself and enthusiastic about following your vision.
- Focus on the activities that bring you joy. This is another way of saying “follow your bliss.” Too often people focus on what they have to do instead of what they want to do, then wonder why they feel drained and irritable. When you focus on the things that make you happy, you’ll find clues as to what you need to feel joy.
- Believe in yourself. Remind yourself that the road you want to travel on is your heart’s desire and even if you let some people down in the process, it’s worth it. Things will work out as long as you have faith in your dreams. Believe in yourself, and surround yourself with people who will support and inspire you. You can also find real life and online groups of people who are on a similar journey as yours.
Trust in the wisdom of your unique path
As long as you know where you’re headed, social constructs and norms will fail to stop you from reaching your goals. You can follow your unique path no matter what others say. And even if you’re afraid of what could go wrong, consider this: you might be an inspiration to others who also want to mold and shape their lives, but felt discouraged from doing so.
You deserve to live a happy life, and you can make it happen!
