Love is without conditions or terms if it is to be lasting. Have you ever said to someone if you love me, or you would stop that or you wouldn’t do that? I admit that I am guilty of doing so. Actually most of my life, I always thought love had terms attached to it. It wasn’t until after several failed relationships that I started to really comprehend the real nature of love.
The first lesson was to understand that love started with me. I had to love myself unconditionally. In order for me to love another person I needed to experience love from within. You can’t give something to someone you don’t have. In my early relationships. I was looking for someone to love me so I would feel good about myself. Ultimately, I had a one-sided relationship. I didn’t know what real love was within myself, so I wasn’t able to experience love. I developed unhealthy attachments to man desperately seeking to be loved. The needier I became, the more distant men would become. I would then feel as if I wasn’t good enough or that they found someone they liked better. It was nothing like that at all. I was trying too hard to connect with the wrong people. Sadly, my lack of self-love lasted until I was 41 years old. Once I got the wakeup call, my life changed dramatically. I discovered that love is not something I have to get but is rather something that I am. Every morning I would spend five minutes affirming my love for me, not is an egotistical way but more like speaking to a small child.
Self-love is an enormous challenge for women because we allow so many things to influence how we feel about ourselves. Well the only opinion that matters is yours! Let all the garble in your head go. The best way to quiet the noise of that deflating ego is start a meditation practice.
The second lesson is love is not about control. It’s about connection. if you feel you need certain conditions to exist in order to feel love, you better examine very closely what your motivations are. It’s natural to expect honesty, respect and kindness. If your partner does not display these qualities, maybe you need to leave the relationship. A healthy love has certain aspects that support connecting with and supporting a loved one. When someone tries to domineer another, the relationship is doomed. I hear women often complain that they have very controlling partners. Men display their true personalities early in relationships. Actually they start to drop the bread crumbs at the beginning. If no one is watching well they drop a few more. Controlling behavior is one of those traits that comes out early in a relationship. Men that like to control are usually narcissistic. Underneath all that false self-admiration is a wounded little boy. A boy that experienced belittling or abuse from a parent when he was small.
Through patience and commitment, you can work with a partner to establish balance in the relationship. Dig into that divine feminine energy (put the masculine assertive energy aside). You need to suggest delicately that changes need to made in the relationship. If you sound remotely like you are criticizing, your partner will not hear you.
The third lesson is real love is without expectation. Love is actually a gift. It’s a heartfelt connection we share with someone else. Sometimes they feel the same way and sometimes they don’t. We can’t force a man to love us. However, I see women constantly using their physicality to seduce a man and to try to get him to love her. You will end up with great sex and maybe a promise to get together again but then he falls off your radar and you end up feeling devastated and used. I think man tell us in subtle ways that they may not be that interested. Unfortunately, we maybe so caught up in our heads that we ignore the warning signs, the bread crumps on the path again. They seem less present in our company and actually seem to be distracted. You start to question what you did wrong. It only makes the situation tenser. I believe when we do not have that mutual love coming back to us, there is a lesson to be learned. It’s time for you to ask some serious questions. Why is this man not a good fit for you? What is it about him that is not in alignment with you, your lifestyle or your heart’s desires? The answers to these questions may put the entire situation into a proper new perspective. It’s usually never about you by the way but something within the man that is causing the behavior that you are experiencing. So don’t feel guilty.
We were all put on this earth to experience love in many different ways. The Course in Miracles says we can live life either from a place of love or fear. I know which one I want. So to experience the love you want, you must show up as love. The vibration of love that you put out to the Universe will be a magnet for attracting love into your life.
Here is a new mantra to start your day with. I live life with Big Love!
