I’m sitting in my garden, barefoot, hair messy. It’s early morning on a sunny and warm day. I’m drinking my coffee as I feel the warm breeze tickle my skin. The cicadas are humming, the flowers and vegetables in my garden are in full glory, and it’s quiet. This is my dream morning.
This is also self-care.
Teaching women to embody self-care is one of my life’s missions. Every person on the planet needs self-care, but for those of us who are highly sensitive, empathic, and intuitive, we need it that much more. Why? Because we are drained much more easily than our non-highly sensitive counterparts and…we are more sensitive to everything around us: people, environments, and experiences. All of it.
I’m especially passionate about working with healers, coaches, lightworkers, teachers, or any woman who would consider themselves a “giver” – someone who a) cares so deeply for others that she often neglects her own self-care in service to those around her and b) lacks the boundaries and tools needed to assert herself to put herself first and stand in her own power.
I care so deeply about this because I believe with all my heart that we were given the gift of deep empathy, sensitivity and intuition to change the world. We each have our own way of making an impact, but if we are neglecting our self-care, our healing work on this planet won’t have the impact that this world so desperately needs.
Do you identify with this? Then this article is written for you.
My first taste of giving up my own self-care came when I had children. I very naturally fell into my role as caregiver to my children and my husband. My spirit and my body suffered as I said, “Yes” to everyone and “No” to the parts of myself yearning for attention. I learned through the gift of my health and marriage crisis that my priorities needed to shift, not only for the sake of my health and happiness, but also for the happiness of my family. I needed to prioritize myself as much, if not more, than I was prioritizing my family.
The realization was there, but the action needed to follow. So much stood in the way of my self-care, but you know what I found out? I was my biggest obstacle. It was my mindset and my own resistance to caring for myself that kept me caught in a cycle of over-giving and under-receiving.
There are three crucial practices we must put into place to move out of a place of surviving and into a place of thriving. This goes beyond the, “Exercise, get plenty of sleep and eat three healthy meals a day” advice we often hear. Yes, these are important, but for the highly sensitive woman, it goes much deeper than this.
We must retrain and then support ourselves to establish a new mindset around self-care. Once we do this, we can implement deep, divine self-care.
Self-Care Tool #1: Create and Nourish Your New Mindset
Mindset is a self-care practice! Our minds need daily nourishment just like our bodies do. The first hump to self-care is getting over any resistance to self-care that exists in your conscious and sub-conscious. You must develop the belief that you are worthy of self-care and self-love. You must believe that you deserve to be a priority.
Nourishing your mind comes down to creating new thought patterns that support your desire to feel your best and will help build this new belief. Decide how you want to feel and why you want to feel this way. Ask yourself what obstacles are standing in your way to taking decisive action toward your goals. Ask yourself my very favorite question: What will it cost both you and those you love if you don’t prioritize your own self-care? Then create daily mantras or affirmations that will serve to create new thought patterns and neural pathways that will support your journey back home to yourself.
Self-Care Tool #2: Dive into Body Nourishment
This could be a pretty boring topic, harking back to the “get enough sleep” advice I mentioned earlier, however, this is an invitation for you to tune into your body in a new, deep, delicious way. Yes, get enough sleep – that is crucial for us sensitive folk – but what does your body want?
I’m not a big fan of going out there and punishing your body in the name of self-care. If you are not receiving pleasure from your body, it’s time to change your practice. Or if you don’t have a practice, it’s time to create one your way.
This step is about creating an intuitive relationship with your body so you can give it the care it not only needs, but also wants. What is your current relationship with caring for your body? How can you care for your body in ways that give you pleasure? What kind of movement does your body crave? Finding ways to honor your body will also serve to feed your soul, which is Step #3.
Self-Care Tool #3: Feed your Soul
This is most certainly one of the most important self-care tools for a highly sensitive woman. This is about making your soul sing. I think of self-care in terms of “energy-generating” or “energy-depleting.” As you go through your day, make sure you are peppering in lots of energy-generating moments in the form of things that give you pleasure, instill a sense of passion in you, and make you feel alive and inspired. Feed your soul.
These three practices are essential. Habituating self-care and prioritizing yourself is life changing. Not only has mastering self-care helped me realize my full potential, but it’s allowed me to serve my tribe and live my purpose in huge way – one that didn’t feel possible when I was mired in meltdown, fatigue and overwhelm. These practices can change your life, too.
